Page 15 of Return on Love

“Yeah, I did. I thought I’d brief them a little about our firm and all the rest, y’know.”

“Oh ok. Maybe you could’ve included me in it as well.” That’s not the tone I was going for. I bite my lips in frustration. I wanted to tell him I should’ve been on the call. Not maybe.

“You would’ve been busy getting ready for your travel the next day. I thought I was helping you.”

“Did you tell them I know nothing about gaming?”

“Not in those words. I said the space is new to the firm, and we all know little about it except what we’ve read. And that you might need support and time to get up to speed. It was a means for them to open up and avoid taking anything for granted. To tell you all their little secrets. Don’t tell me you’re upset.”

Of course I’m upset. What d’ya expect? That’s what I want to say. Instead I say, “No. I understand. Though it might’ve been nice if I would’ve been included.”

I hear him sigh at the other end. “Look, Eva. I’m doing what’s best for the firm and for you. You can keep doubting my intentions and focusing on that if you like. But my suggestion is you focus on your work rather than trying to find issues where there are none.”

I feel foolish now because this is not a time to make my boss angry. Especially if he’s someone like Weber, who only likes to be appreciated by his juniors. With my job possibly on the line, I can’t afford this.

He continues after a momentary pause in a stiff tone. “Is there anything else you wanna discuss?”

“Um, no. Thank you.”

He disconnects the call without another word. It’s a moment of putting your palms right on your face and burying your head into it. I think I just made an enemy of my boss, who probably had no intention of sabotaging me. Why would he? I mean, it won’t do him any good. Right? And now I’ve openly told him the ‘help’ he thought he was giving me wasn’t required. Priscilla would never have done it. She would've thanked him for looking out for her. No wonder he prefers her and backs her up.

I open the financial projections on my laptop, but my brain can’t focus. It veers in random directions. I think of Dad, who always ignored me. He always believed in Alex. Whatever Alex did was good, worthy of praise and appreciation and celebration. But whatever I did was… well, most of the time, he didn’t know what I did. I tried to imitate Alex, took the same courses he did, and tried my hand at the same sport. Basketball. But I wasn’t too great at it. Alex majored in finance, and Dad was overjoyed. I followed, though I wanted to do Literature and Creative Writing, but didn’t get any acknowledgment.

Alex joined this big investment bank, and Dad threw a big party at home. When I joined a private equity firm, he graced me by a mere call, which I’m sure Alex told him to do. If only I’d already made VP, he wouldn’t have looked at me as if I was a total failure during our lunch. I need to get this deal through. I don’t think I have it in me to face him if I get passed over for promotion this time or worse, if I get fired. I might as well just die.

It’s late evening. Everyone in the office is leaving, even Gabriel, who is the last to leave. He peeps in. “You still working?”

I look up and shake my head. “About to leave,” I say. I can’t possibly tell him I’m almost having an emotional and mental breakdown. “Is Ryan back?”

He purses his lips. “Nope.”

I pick up my things, which include just a laptop, a pen and a notepad, and follow him outside. He looks at me apologetically, as if it was his fault I didn’t meet Ryan. “You can meet him on Friday.”

“Friday?” I ask, my pitch a little higher than normal. “Did you say Friday? What about tomorrow or the day after?”

“Oh. I thought Weber must’ve told you. Ryan is traveling this week, leaving tomorrow evening. That’s why we’d suggested that you come here next week. Weber said he would discuss it with you. We assumed you knew and decided to come despite that.”

Weber! I’m really pissed at him. Again. But I can’t really show my frustration in front of a client. I can’t understand where my place is in all this.

Gabriel looks at me as we wait for the elevator. “He didn’t tell you, did he?”

“My bad. I think he mentioned it. But we need to get moving fast. And the rest of the team is here, so it won’t matter much. I can still do my work. He’s leaving tomorrow evening, so maybe I can catch him in the morning.” I turn to him, looking for confirmation and affirmation.

His mouth opens and closes like a goldfish as we enter the elevator.

“Um, sure. Plus, I’m here, and I can give you all the information you need and help you with whatever it is you need help with.”

I smile. “I’d like to meet the coders this week. That way, even if Ryan isn’t here, I can familiarize myself with the games.”

The elevator doors open and we exit together. Gabriel’s face is clouded. He clasps his hands and fidgets a little. “The coders are traveling too. It’s a codathon kinda thing.” His voice is soft, and there are lines on his forehead. I’ve never seen lines on his forehead in the short time I’ve known him. But that’s me. I can give stress to anyone. Anyone.

I wonder where they’re traveling, but I can’t really get myself to ask him.

“You want me to drive you home?” he asks. I’m sure we both are relieved when I say I’d rather walk. It couldn’t have been more awkward if someone had planned it all out like a freak show.

Chapter 8

“Be careful not to choke on your aspirations.”—Darth Vader

---