Page 5 of No First Kisses

“It’s me,” I finally say when I’ve had enough of their lovesick bickering. Although, it’s not like I actually needed to tell him who it is, because he could look down at his screen and see my name. “I need to talk to you as soon as possible.”

Ian sighs, and I can hear shuffling on the other end of the line as he gets out of bed. “Do I have time to take a shower first?”

“Yeah.” I pause, trying to decide if I should just come out with it and tell him or wait. “It’s Poppy. Other shit, too. But Poppy.” Again, it’s not like I actually need to tell him that, because all of my problems revolve around that woman and the feelings that I’ll have for her until my last breath leaves my body. “I’ll be at your office.”

“Shit.” Ian sighs again, and I can practically see him rubbing a hand down his face.

“You regret taking me on as a patient yet?” The question comes out even though I didn’t think it would, which just goes to show just how out of control I am.

I can’t even bite my fuckin’ tongue, and it has everything to do with Poppy. The redheaded goddess, who with one sentence, managed to destroy me the same way I’ve been hurting her since we were eighteen.

“Not a chance,” Ian grunts. “See you at the office. You better get me coffee.”

The audible click in my ear tells me that he hung up, and I’m left in nothing but the silence of the cool morning breeze blowing through the trees that line the street.

With nothing else to do, I turn and walk up the sidewalk to the only coffee shop in Birch that is open, thanks to the lobstermen who need their coffee before heading out to haul for the day.

The silence and walk will be good for me, to calm the blood racing through my veins and the adrenaline that demands I turn around and march back into Poppy’s house, refusing to let her leave. Insisting that she stay in the place where we were supposed to have our life together.

Not that she will get far when she goes.

If she goes.

I may not be able to face my demons, but I’ll follow Poppy to the ends of the earth just to make sure I know she is safe.

That’s a lie.

I’ll follow her because I can’t breathe if I don’t know she’s okay.

I can’t function if she’s not close by.

Not anymore.

“Two coffees again today, Logan?”

I look up from my feet, shocked to find myself standing in the coffee shop already, directly in front of the owner, one of the girls who used to hang around my little sister constantly. But that was before… Before the beginning of the end.

She watches me with the same sad eyes that I’ve seen on every face of every person who knew my sister, Charlotte, before she died.

“Hey, Leah.” I hesitate, not sure if I remember her name correctly.

Really, though, I want to walk the fuck out and not look back. It figures that on a day when I’m already in crisis because of Poppy, I have to see someone who brings the memory of my little sister’s death flaring back to life.

That has been, and always will be, my life.

Can’t really say I have no luck, because I do. It’s just the shittiest luck imaginable.

“Yeah,” I go on like I haven’t just had a poleax driven through my sternum at the thought of Lettie. “Two large black coffees.” I pause for a second. “You know what? Throw in a bagel also.” If I have to be in crisis, I’m going to eat a carb, too.

“Sure thing.” She smiles at me then, her mouth lifting into what should pass as friendly but comes out looking constipated instead.

“Thanks.” I hand over a twenty and wave her off to keep the change.

As soon as my order is ready, I practically bolt out the door, needing the open air to help me chase away the demons.

“Bye, Logan,” Leah calls at my back with the door shutting and cutting off anything else that may have been said.

A feeble wave is all I can manage.

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