Page 30 of No First Kisses

“Knowing that I shouldn’t have her, that I don’t deserve her, has nothing to do with the fact that I’ve always wanted her.” I crack my knuckles to distract me from the fact that I’m essentially baring my soul to my closest friends. “That she’ll own me until the day I vanish into the dirt.”

“That wall, man.” Remy whistles to himself. “That’s intense.”

I shrug. “You know how it goes. You grew up with Linc and Danny and Parker all together.”

“Yeah,” Linc agrees. “But he didn’t have a love letter to Parker on his wall where anyone could possibly see it.”

The pictures are that, I guess. I never thought of it that way. But they are also a reminder. One that I see every single time I walk through the door. Hope, and a constant throbbing ache that pushes me in her direction, even when I know I should stay away.

“When Chloe left to take Nia home, she said that Poppy was headed to bed.” Ian finishes his bottle and throws it in the recycling bin. “Come on, guys. Dom’s the sober driver tonight, and my wife said if I make it home by midnight, she won’t lock the front door and make me sleep in my office.”

With that, they all get up and walk away. Everyone except for Dom.

“You know, I’ve kept pretty quiet about you and Poppy since the beginning.” He looks over his shoulder to make sure no one else can hear. “But if you’re gonna walk away from her, you need to do it now. Before she has your kid. I played this push or pull shit with Emma, and it almost killed both of us. I don’t even want to think about what’ll happen to the two of you. Remy’s right, shit’s intense between the two of you in a way none of us really understood before today.”

I’m already shaking my head, ready to deny that I’ll ever hurt her again, when he holds up a hand to silence me.

“I get it. How you feel about her was never in question. It was the same with me and Emma. From the beginning I knew what that pull was gonna do to us, and I fought it. But if you’re not in, a thousand percent in and willing to fight anything that comes your way, you need to back out and support her through the pregnancy, without the relationship.”

“I’m in.”

Dom doesn’t say anything to that. He doesn’t have to. The silence that hangs between us speaks volumes.

When he walks away and leaves without saying anything else, I’m left staring at the fading embers of the bonfire for about a second before I turn on my heel and go inside.

I’ve already spent over a decade keeping myself away from her, and I’m not going to waste another minute. Not while I have literally everything I’ve ever dreamed about in my house… my bed.

Except, Poppy isn’t in my bed.

Which leads to me searching the entire house to find her, my heart racing the entire time because her leaving me is exactly what I deserve after everything I put her through.

“Where the hell are you?” I mutter to myself while searching all four bedrooms, the bathrooms, and the living room.

It isn’t until I make it through the entire house that I start to panic. Not the same bone-chilling fear in my gut that I had when she collapsed at the campsite, but something equally terrifying.

What will I do if she leaves me before we ever have a chance? She is the only one who helps me stay in control. If I don’t have her, I may lose everything. I will lose everything.

Slamming open the front door might be a mistake if I had any neighbors. Fortunately, I don’t.

But when I see her sleeping form on the porch swing, I feel like a tool all the same. Because I know there’s no sleeping through that.

“What?” She sits up immediately. “What’s wrong?”

I watch her hands go to her stomach protectively, and I almost drop to my knees as I see the fear take over the features that were relaxed only a moment before while she takes in my expression.

“Everything’s fine.” I smooth the flyaway curls that frame her face. “You’re fine. I was worried when you weren’t inside.”

Relief floods her face, and she sags back into the cushions. “I wanted to watch the stars for a second.” She smiles up at the sky where there isn’t a single cloud to obstruct her view. “Must have fallen asleep.”

When she doesn’t lie back down completely, I take that as my cue and squeeze in next to her, pulling her scent into my lungs, relaxing again. “It’s been a crazy few days.” Poppy lays her head on my shoulder, and I can’t help wrapping my arm around her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“Lo.” Her voice is quiet, and with the porch swing swaying back and forth, I can barely hear her over the sound of the metal swing creaking. “Tell me about the wall.”

My heart thuds painfully in my chest. “You saw it. You know what it means.” Am I ready to do this? To give her all the ammunition she needs to destroy me?

Her arm snakes around my waist, surprising me. “Tell me anyway.”

With my eyes locked on the stars above us, I push the swing back using the balls of my feet and give her the pieces of my soul that she doesn’t already own.

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