Page 2 of No First Kisses

His eyes are too intense. They burn with emotion that I’m not used to seeing from Logan. So I look away and notice that he hasn’t taken his clothes off after all.

Finding my voice for the first time in what feels like forever, I force out the question. “Why, Logan? Why do you need me now? Why not all the other times?”

“We lost a little girl today.” He closes his eyes, and a tear falls.

In my entire life, I can’t remember a single other time that Logan has cried.

“What happened?”

He pulls me into his arms, and I’m lost to him. His scent envelops me, warm and musky and everything I dream about every single night.

“Her father was abusive.” Logan holds me tightly against his chest, his hands running up and down my skin. Not in a sexual way, like I thought before. But trying to comfort himself. “He killed their whole family.” Logan swallows deeply. “I was okay, until I saw the little girl. She had red hair. Just like you. Just like you did when you died in my arms.”

His pain is palpable, agonizing in the darkness between us. But he’s not the only one who suffered. Who went through hell and came out on the other side.

“I came back.” Mostly intact. I might be missing part of my heart, but it’s his fault because he never gave the damn thing back. He took it with him overseas and has carried it with him every single day since then.

“But you’re not mine. Not anymore.”

That does it. I sit up, brushing my curls out of my face with one hand and pointing to the door. We both know he’s not going to leave. He’s here. And he’s touching me.

We’re fighting.

I may hate him, but I want him just as much.

“That’s your decision. Not mine. You decided I wasn’t yours. My heart stopped for a minute. One minute, Logan. And because of that, you’ve decided to push me away for how many years? Just because you saw me?—”

“Yeah, Poppy,” Logan snaps, sitting up and spearing me with a glare. “I watched you die. That’s right. I swore that I would love you forever, and we were planning a future together, and then you fucking died in my arms. So, yeah. I pushed you away. I’ll keep pushing you away, because I’m not dragging you down into the same pit again. I’m not going to be the reason you die.”

I’m not weak. I’m not the girl he left a decade before in the hospital. I have a life. One that means the world to me. And up until this very moment, I’ve been thinking about walking away and moving. Again. Just to get a fresh start. But in this moment, a lot like he does in the dark of night, I face the truth in the light all around us.

I crave the nights he shows up in my house, even if he breaks the locks.

The dirty things he does to my body, the way he makes me scream in ecstasy.

All of it.

When they stop, for whatever reason, I’ll miss it.

I’ll crave his touch, and the pain he brings me right to the edge of, before shoving me into pleasure so rich I can’t breathe.

This is a familiar argument. The same one we’ve had countless times before.

The same one we’ll have for the rest of our lives because as much as I want to think I’ll leave him… I never will.

Logan’s more a part of my soul than I am at this point.

Instead of pushing him away anymore, I turn around.

My eyes are locked on the window in front of me, refusing to turn or fight with him when we both know everything about this is futile. When I don’t answer him, Logan sighs and presses his lips against the back of my neck again, sweeping my hair out of the way. The first yank may have been an accident, until I feel his hand wrap in my hair and he pulls even harder.

Only the audible click of the light turning off, pushing us both into pitch-black, can be heard.

Until he kisses the back of my neck, biting down when I don’t move an inch.

The mew I let out is the only approval he needs to keep going. With my hair wrapped tightly around his hand, Logan controls our movements in the dark until we’re down on the bed. Already on my side, it’s easy for him to push me to my stomach and straddle my ass, his body still pressed against mine.

“If you won’t talk to me, Poppy, I’m going to make your body sing.”

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