Page 65 of No Sweet Goodbyes

While I wait for my flight home, I write Emma one more letter.

Just in case.

22

EMMA

“One more day until tacos forever,” Lilah sings out while we get ready for our morning workout. “Tacos.” She snaps her fingers like she is reading out slam poetry. “Forever.”

“I don’t even know why you’re so obsessed with them,” I tell her as I put my hair in a braid and then wrap it into a bun on top of my head.

“Food in general,” Lilah corrects me. “I’m obsessed with food in general, and I can’t wait to actually have the good stuff without having to temper myself because I’ll be back here for the week. I wonder if I could get a pizza with tacos on top. Oh, and some sushi on the side.”

After checking to make sure that our room is as perfect as it can be, we leave. Eighteen weeks of hell and I’ve made lifetime friends, partners, and I’ve even met strangers that I will gladly give my life for if the situation calls for it.

I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

When we walk into the gym, we’re some of the first ones there. Cadre Mays, with his back to us, is talking on his phone quietly. When he hears us approach, he hangs up and turns around.

“Holy balls,” Lilah whispers.

The day before, his arm hadn’t been in the bright-pink cast that now covers it.

“Sorry, y’all,” he apologizes with a shake of his head. “Fell down some stairs last night trying to help my neighbor. Don’t worry, though. I’ve called in reinforcements for your last day.” While he speaks, the rest of our instructors come in, all dressed for a workout, and my heart rate picks up a beat. We can’t spend the whole last day working out, can we?

They wouldn’t all be in workout clothes if we were doing something else.

I really don’t want to work out anymore.

The rest of our class files in, and we stand at attention, the same way we’ve done for the last four months.

“You’ve all passed your physical exams,” Cadre Mays announces when he has everyone’s attention and the rest of the cadres stand at his side. “Although, I didn’t expect anything else. You’ve pushed yourselves to the limit. You’ve stood by your classmates. You’ve pulled them with you across the finish line, at some points barely making it to the trash can before you lost your lunch. Yes, I’m looking at you, Hayes. You’ve worked your asses off.” He sighs and scratches his cast, even though we all know it isn’t going to actually relieve any itch that he has.

“I don’t know why they’re making me do the talking. You’re my first graduating class. But here we are.”

The other cadres laugh between them, and it is the first time that everything feels real. Like we aren’t about to be thrown to the wolves with a surprise test or anything like that, and I take a deep breath for the first time since I got to the academy.

The tension in my shoulders relaxes, just enough.

“That doesn’t mean that we don’t get one last day together, though,” he goes on. “We thought it would be fun to see what the cadet with the highest marks could do against one of us. If the cadet wins, you’ll have a free day. Complete with pizza paid for by the other cadres and me. But if the cadet loses, you’ll have an entire day of exhausting physical tasks. A ten-mile run, burpees until every cadet is dead on the ground, rope climbs, the works.”

My classmates start to shift from foot to foot, and an undeniable sense of dread fills the air around us. We’ve seen the cadres spar. We’ve gone up against them in training. And we don’t have grades posted, so there isn’t any clue as to which of the guys will be going up against the cadre.

“You’ve got two minutes as a group to agree to the terms or not.”

Since Cadre Mays’ arm is in a cast, we can eliminate him from the lineup. As my classmates start to whisper among themselves, I study the instructors.

Other than Mays, there are four men who’ve all served within the Maine law enforcement field for years. Cadre Reed is our range instructor and a self-professed geek. He told us on day one that he’d rather sit behind a rifle than engage in hand-to-hand combat, but that a weapon is only as good as the man, or woman, using it. As the seconds tick by, I cross him off the list of possibilities.

Cadre Turner is our IT instructor. Cadre Jenkins teaches policies and procedures, and Cadre Hall is actually a dispatcher who doesn’t know anything about sparring.

While the rest of the cadets are bickering and trying to decide if it is worth it, I step forward into the group and clear my throat as loudly as I can.

They shut up really quick, mostly because I haven’t drawn attention to myself the entire time we’re there, so the fact that I’ve done it now is a reason to pause. Chalk that up to one thing I learned from Dom.

“I think we should take the bet,” I tell them quietly.

“Good choice, Hayes,” Cadre Mays announces. “Time’s up.”

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