Page 57 of No Sweet Goodbyes

“Sir,” I greet my commanding officer. “Why am I going to murder you?”

“You need to report by oh eight hundred today. Flight leaves at oh nine hundred.”

I sigh. There’s nothing else for me to do. I can’t say no. I can’t do anything other than report as ordered.

“Yes, sir. But I’m not going to shave first.”

“Ortiz, I don’t give a fuck what you do with your face, as long as you shove it behind a rifle and stay on target. I’ll see you at oh eight hundred.”

I hang up and scrub both of my hands over my face.

“Fuck,” I mutter to the silent room.

I’m supposed to have three more days. Three days to tell Emma the truth, and how I feel, and convince her to wait for me. Instead, I’m out of time and have nothing to offer her. Checking the clock, I have three hours.

Three hours to pack my shit and break the news, not only to Emma but to my entire family and my boss.

Rather than wake her up, I start packing.

First, I go into the office and print out all the photos of Emma and me that I’ve managed to take over the last week. Admittedly, there are only a few of them. So while they’re printing, I walk back into my bedroom and take two more, brushing the hair out of her face like a stalker so that I get the best possible picture to put in my uniform pocket.

Still sleeping, she presses her face into my palm and my heart melts completely. I’m head over heels for her, and there’s nothing I can do to make her see it. Soon, all she’ll see is the lie, and I’d give anything to make a different choice.

To go back in time and tell her that first night, when she’s sitting on my lap in front of the fire. To give her the whole truth so that she can make a choice.

So she knows what she’s getting into with me.

Instead… I’m fucking it all up again.

Running out of time isn’t an option, so I pull all of my uniforms out of the closet and shove them into my gear bag.

Anything I miss, I’m sure I’ll be issued overseas. And since I’m going completely against protocol by not shaving my face, I go ahead and plan on putting my uniform on that way, too. My uniform is almost like a second skin. My boots are the last to go on, and I’ve never regretted my decision to stay in. Not until this moment.

Once everything is packed, in the bed of my truck, and I have the photos folded in my pocket the way I need them, I pull one of my dog tags off the chain that always hangs around my neck. Pocketing it, I walk back into my bedroom and sit on the edge of the bed.

“Emma.” I shake her gently. Too gently, apparently, because she doesn’t wake up. “Emma.” I shake harder, and she opens one eye and glares at me.

“What do you want?” Her eye widens, which should be impossible since it is the only one open, and then she is shoving me back and staring at me with both eyes wide-open. “Why the fuck are you wearing your BDUs?” She scoots so that she is sitting against my headboard, and I can see the panic in her eyes. “Is this a nightmare?”

“Emma.” I say her name calmly, soothingly, like she is about to lose her shit. “Emma, you know I’m in the Reserves.”

She shakes her head. “Yeah, that’s one weekend a month and two weeks a year, Dominic. You literally just got back from training. Why. Are. You. Wearing. Them?” Her voice trembles, and I have no choice but to pull the Band-Aid off completely.

“I’m deploying, Em?—”

“No.” Her eyes turn cold. “No. You can’t be deploying, because that’s not something you find out at the last minute. Which means that you’ve known that you’re deploying this entire time. And that means that you lied to me. So, no. No, you’re not deploying, Dom.” But I can see the rationalizations hitting her and then vanishing just as quickly.

Tears fill the hazel eyes that I love more than life itself, silently pleading for me to tell her that this is all a bad dream. That I’m not going anywhere. But I can’t do that.

And I can see the moment that the truth settles in her face.

In the harsh lines around her eyes.

The same lines that usually show me she’s smiling.

Only now, now I know that I’ll never see that smile for me again.

“Emma. I wanted to tell you. I tried. I did. I warned you.” She flinches away, even though I’m not anywhere near her. My words are a weapon, and I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already am.

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