Page 28 of No Sweet Goodbyes

“Why didn’t you use your personal truck?” He taps the steering wheel and then stares at me with narrowed eyes when I don’t answer him. “Oh shit, man. I know that look. Your house was spotless, shit packed in totes, and your truck isn’t there. Are you deploying again?”

I get out of the truck without another word and slam the door.

There are some things that I don’t even want to talk to my best friend about, and the fact that I’m deploying alone, without him to have my back, is one of them.

“Holy shit, you are,” Linc calls through the open window. “And you weren’t going to tell me?” He flips me off. “This isn’t over, Dom. I’m bringing the beer tonight, and probably all the guys, too. Be prepared. Rituals are rituals for a reason, jackass.” With that, he speeds off, and I’m left trying to figure out where Emma would have put my key. I know she wouldn’t just leave it out or the vehicle unlocked. Instead, I stand back and inspect the truck, trying to think about where she’d have put it. Idly, I remember something she did when she was sixteen, and I check the ground under the tire where I find the singular key wedged in the back.

“Knew it,” I mutter.

When we were in boot camp, Linc left his car for Emma to drive if she wanted to, and he’d hid the key. The rule was, if she could find it, she could drive it. Well, Emma went all out and found the damn thing within two hours of us being gone, and it was all Linc could talk about for a week, when he got the letter from his mom telling him that she did it.

Rituals are rituals for a reason.

Fuck.

I’m not gonna be able to escape him, and in about an hour, every single person in my life is going to know that I’m deploying.

Maybe even Emma.

And any chance I’d have will be gone.

I screwed up, and I know it.

I followed her to tell her how I feel. To kiss her. To claim her because she’s mine.

I did nothing but open my mouth and stick my foot in it like an idiot.

By the time I step into the station and change into my uniform in the locker room, I’m ready to resign on the spot. I have to sit with her all over again and deal with the fallout from embarrassing myself. Again. I can get a new job. Maybe with the county.

I can work my way up over there.

Away from her.

Running is pretty much the only option at this point.

“Hey, Dom,” Linc says, sounding way too innocent and happy after our conversation, which only makes me even more suspicious than I already am.

I cautiously walk into the bullpen and cross to my office, checking the area around my desk for something that looks out of place. He doesn’t have a squirt gun or any other bullshit in his hands, and none of the others are anywhere to be seen. Even Daisy is gone.

“What did you do?”

“Nothing.” He tents his fingers. “Nothing at all. At least, nothing that you need to know about.”

“You better not have done something stupid.” I sit in my chair, expecting it to fall apart. “Or I’m gonna get the video Parker took of your balls hanging out and put it on YouTube.”

That shuts him up, at least for a second.

“There’s no video.” His quick recovery seems more of a bluff than actual knowledge. “Besides, I’m your best friend. You wouldn’t do that to me.”

“I’ll have Remy do it.” I check behind my computer, expecting to get a glitter bomb to the face. “Come on, Linc. What did you do? I can’t work all day expecting to be peppered by glitter dicks or water balloons or some shit like that.”

He stands at the doorway, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I told you. I didn’t do anything. It’s a lot more fun to make you think I did something when I didn’t than it is to actually do something. That’s a lot more work than mental torture.” The smile fades until there’s nothing left but a grimace. “Are you going to be okay?” He lowers his voice. “You haven’t gone back over since we all came home. Being in the Reserves and staying home is one thing, but the sandbox is an entirely different story.”

I shrug, trying not to look him in the eyes. Ours is a brotherhood born of blood and bullets. Forged in the sand that we’ll never be able to get out of our skin and the invisible scars we can’t even tell our families about.

“I don’t have a choice,” I admit. “I’m trying to get my head on right.”

The implication is clear, and he knows it. To hold that rifle in my hand and do what I do, I can’t let my mind wander. I can’t be thinking of Emma and the life we could have if I were here. I have to focus on the task at hand. He’ll know. Even without me saying a word. The same reason I can’t take a step in her direction is the reason we watched Remy push Parker away almost a decade before. It’s the same reason Linc never came home to claim Kennedy. Hell, it’s the same reason we have another detective transferring from the sheriff’s office, and just in time for me to leave.

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