Page 42 of No Broken Promises

“That’s what I thought,” Susan goes on in her motherly way. “If you don’t take care of yourself, you’re going to end up back here, or worse. I want you to rest.”

It turns out Parker doesn’t know the meaning of rest.

By the time Nox and I get her to my house, Parker is already making plans to go back to work the next day. She marches through the living room, sorting through the clothes that we’d grabbed for them, and decides that nothing she has with her can be worn to work.

It isn’t until after Nox passes out in the guest room that I have finally had enough.

“Stop.” The order falling off my lips brings her up short, and Parker stares at me with wide eyes.

Her hair is a mess; long and unbound, it hangs down her back in tangles. The dark circles under her eyes seem to have multiplied in the short time that we’ve been out of the hospital. Even standing completely still, she seems to wobble.

“You’re not going to work.” I lean against the wall in the living room, standing in the exact same place that I’d taken her. “You’re not going to do any of what you’re thinking right now.”

Standing in the arctic circle would have been warmer than standing in my living room when Parker turns her icy glare on me. “Excuse me?” Her voice drops a pitch, and she dares me to repeat myself.

Which I do, happily.

“Do you want to die?”

She reacts like I’ve slapped her. She falters, taking a half step back, and her eyes widen almost impossibly.

“I’m not kidding, Parker. Head injuries are serious. You could have died tonight, and you’re going to listen to Dr. Lawrence. You’re going to take it easy. If it annoys the shit out of you, I don’t give a flying fuck. I’d rather you be alive and pissed at me for keeping you from going to work than dead and leaving us—Nox—without a mother.”

As her shoulders slump, the ice and rage in Parker’s expression melts away. She sits down, gingerly resting on the edge of her seat, and looks up at me with genuine fear in her eyes.

“I don’t know what to do, Remy.” The admission must cost her everything, and it cuts through to my soul.

“You’re going to rest, and you’re going to let me take care of you. Even if you want to bite my head off and stab me in the liver with a rusty spork while I do it.” Having Parker that close to me, in my space, for the first time since I’ve had her in my bed, has my blood on fire.

I expect her to fight, to push against what we both know is the best thing she can do. Instead, she curls up into herself on the couch and closes her eyes.

“Okay,” she whispers.

There is a blanket on the back of my couch, one that I’d gotten during that first deployment. I can’t even remember where it came from, but I pull it down and wrap it around her shoulders, tucking it around her.

“There’s nothing here for me in Birch, Remy.” Her voice breaks, and a quiet sob echoes into the living room, swallowing us both in its severity. “Me wanting to leave had nothing to do with you, even if you thought it did.”

My heart aches at her words, but I don’t have the strength to say anything. Rather than fuck it up and say the wrong thing, I simply move until I am close enough, then pull her into my arms. With her scent wrapped around me like a warm blanket filled with honeysuckle and rain, I devour every blissful moment of holding her.

“I know I messed up everything, Parker. But you need to know… I’ve waited forever. I would wait forever, knowing you’re on the other side of this. You’re the only reason I came home. You saved me.”

For just a second, I think maybe Parker fell asleep in my arms. Her sigh comes first, and then she pushes herself out of my arms and stares into my eyes with the most inscrutable expression I’ve ever seen.

“How, Jeremy?” Her voice caresses my cheek as the breath leaves her body. “How could I possibly have saved you when I never heard a single word from you?”

Parker has the uncanny ability to tear out a piece of my heart with every single one of her questions, and this time is no different. I may be many things, but an idiot isn’t one of them. And I know that if I lie to her, or if I hold back anything in that moment, I will lose her forever. After losing her once, I never want to endure that self-inflicted pain again. Not when I already have a mountain to climb to keep her from leaving Birch forever.

“You never gave up.” I clear my throat and press my forehead against hers, needing the comfort that her touch brings. “Every single week I was gone, you wrote me a letter, even after I broke your heart and pushed you into Danny’s arms. Even after you married him. After everything, you were still there, even as my friend. You, Parker. You’re the reason I came home. Because you made sure that I always knew I had a home to come back to. Even if you weren’t mine, you’ve always been my home.”

“What does that mean for us, for me?” Her question completely unmans me, and it isn’t until just then that I realize I’ve been completely selfish. I am so caught up in what I want, and what I want from her, that I haven’t taken her emotional needs into consideration.

I cradle her face in my hands, relishing the way she doesn’t pull away from my touch. “Can’t you see it?” Her eyes dilate slightly. “It means that no matter what happens, or where you run to, I’ll always be here. I’ll be the home you come back to. I’m saying that I’ll be here to put you first. To put us first.”

The kiss I lay on her lips doesn’t press for more or demand her submission. I kiss her with the promise of what can be. I give her every single moment that I’ve missed her. All the times I wished I could take back the words I’d said. I kiss her with all the torment that has been created over five years of misery while I couldn’t have her. I’d take back everything in an instant if it means that I can have her as my own.

I kiss her, and I pray that she’ll give us the chance that I’ve let slip through my fingers.

18

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