Page 44 of No Broken Promises

Eyes wide, I search around the room frantically. We had to have brought them. Nox needs them. That’s how he talks to Danny. But in the last week, he hasn’t said a word about it. The couch shifts underneath me, and if I hadn’t already been sitting, I may have fallen down. My hands, where they still hold the sides of my laptop, start to tremble uncontrollably.

Adrenaline shoots through my system and my heart starts to flutter, tightening at the same time. Every breath I take turns ragged, and spots start to appear in my vision.

“Not again.” The whisper forces its way through a scorched throat, and my face grows hot as I concentrate on taking in enough oxygen to keep from passing out again.

In and out. In and out. Over and over until the spots recede from my vision and I am left sitting there on Remy’s couch, staring at the photo on his wall, wondering what the fuck I am actually doing with my life.

Before I can second-guess myself, I have my car keys in hand and let myself out of the house. For the first time in a week, I get behind the wheel of my car. Remy or one of the guys had brought it over, and I have to readjust the seat before I can pull out of the driveway. Once everything is perfect and I have the seat belt latched, I go home.

Technically I could have walked, we live that close to each other, but I don’t want to. The drive only takes a few minutes, and the faster I get those dog tags, the better. Nox will need them, sooner rather than later.

The front of my house looks almost perfect. Besides a few spots where the siding has yet to be replaced, I can’t even tell that someone had smashed my front window. I guess that’s what having family in law enforcement and amazing homeowner’s insurance can do, though.

The front door isn’t unlocked, and I let myself in with the second spare key I keep under the porch, feeling every bit of the drama from that night hit me square in the chest.

From the argument with Remy about our history, the fireball smashing into the house, and then not knowing what had happened, I somehow manage to shove it out of my mind for the most part.

“There you are,” I murmur.

The dog tags are hanging from the wall, with Boo’s collar right next to them as if they’ve been waiting for me.

“I slept with Remy,” I tell Danny’s ghost. “I slept with him, and I don’t know how I should feel about it.” The admission comes from somewhere I hadn’t even known existed until I stare at the blackened pieces of metal.

Normally, when I talk to Danny, I will sit on the couch and look at them from across the room. But not this time. This time, I pull them from the wall and hold them in my hand while I sit under the flag still held in a triangular box, safe from harm.

“It’s all a mess, just like you told me it would be.” My eyes are wet, and I swipe the tears before they can fall. “Why can’t you be here to tell me how to get through this? You said you’d come home, Danny. That you’d make it right. How am I supposed to move on with my life if you’re not here to help fix the shit you put me through? How the hell am I supposed to make sure that Nox remembers you when he never met you?”

Emotion clogs my throat.

“Remy’s good with him, Danny. I don’t know how or why, but he is. It’s like he’s…” Without finishing the thought, I know why. I know it’s because Remy is the one I wanted to have a family with. The one I was supposed to be with. Not Danny.

I close a fist around the dog tags, needing the pain that they bring, the searing sensation of the metal cutting into my palm.

“How am I supposed to walk away from him and Birch? How am I supposed to leave when I’m starting to see the man he’s become? When he wants all of me?”

These questions, just like the rest of the ones I’ve asked Danny through the years, are met with nothing but silence. Silence and the doubt that I’ve created for myself in the time since Danny died. Leaning back against the wall, I force myself to remember our last conversation.

“Hey, Parker.” The line cut in and out, static making it hard to hear who’d called at first. “I don’t have much time, but I wanted to see how your appointment went.”

“Danny.” I smiled as I stepped out of the doctor’s office, despite the bittersweet feeling of talking to him. “I literally just left the appointment. How’d you know?”

An awkward laugh filtered through the other end. “Well, it may or may not be just past midnight here. I had to bribe an officer to get a satellite phone so I could call. Do you know what we’re having yet? My mom’s been hounding me for any information you might have, and I promised her I’d call to find out.”

“Yep.” I popped my lips together loudly in his ear. “I’m happy to say that you’re bringing the next generation of the Hayes boys to life.”

“Holy shit.” Awestruck and amazed, I could even picture him punching his fist into the air. “I can’t believe it.”

“Congratulations, Danny.” I ran a hand across my stomach.

He coughed again, and then silence filled the air between us.

“What’s wrong, Danny?”

More silence and then another cough.

“I met someone, Parker. A reporter covering the shitstorm over here. She’s heading home soon, and I haven’t told her about you. But?—”

“You should tell her how you feel, Danny.” I have no idea where the words came from, but they poured out despite the anger and frustration I’d been bottling up since he left. “Nothing is going to change the past.” The acidic taste in my mouth as I let him off the hook for that night faded as every second went by. “And no matter what, you’re going to be a father, and we’re going to have to move on from this. So… this is me, saying that you’re not on the hook here. You’re free. We’ll figure it out when you get home.”

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