“I haven’t insulted you tonight.”
“Yeah, I’m still kinda stuck on the generic thing.”
I chuckled and stopped walking. When he looked at me, wondering why, I nodded to the dorm. “This is me.”
He seemed surprised. “Oh. Okay. I didn’t know... I’m down at the Mundell House.”
I nodded, because of course he was. “What’s your plan for tonight? A few beers? Studying?”
He glanced in the direction of his place, into the dark. “Uh, nothing, actually. The guys were going down to Shenanigans, but I’m not feeling it, ya know.”
Goddammit.
Was I really about to do this?
I took a deep breath and resigned my fate. “Well, we are supposed to do some homework,” I said. “Did you want to come up to my room?” I cringed. “There was no way to say that without it sounding like an invite for something else,” I added. “Which it isn’t. Just so you know.”
Chase’s eyes met mine and he smiled. “Oh, believe me, I know.”
I sighed and trudged up the steps and held the door for him. “Yes or no, make it quick or the invite is rescinded, in three... two...”
“All right, jeez,” he said, brushing past me. “I’m still not sure if that was a threat. Is that what that was?”
I started up the stairs, not stopping to see if he was following. “My threats have less subtlety. Believe me, you’d know.”
He said nothing until the third flight. “Christ. You have to walk up these every day?”
“Several times.”
“Isn’t there an elevator?”
“Do you whine this bad all the time? Or am I just lucky?” I got to the landing and turned to watch him trudge up the last few steps. “There is an elevator, but this way I don’t have to go to the gym.”
“Maybe I overdid it at the gym today.”
“Maybe you shouldn’t let the opinions of others get to you so much,” I said, leading the way down the hall to my room. “Why do you care so much about what I think anyway?”
“Isn’t it good to care how other people think and feel?”
I unlocked my door and pushed it open. “No. It’s the opposite of good.” I hit the lights and tossed my bag onto my desk chair. I waited until he was inside before I closed the door behind him. “Concerning yourself with what other people think of you is the biggest waste of mental headspace.”
“You don’t care what other people think of you?”
I wasn’t sure why he seemed so surprised by this.
“Not at all. My parents, perhaps. I want them to be proud of me, sure. But I don’t seek approval or validation from anyone. I know who I am. I’m a good person, and I’m nice to others. I mind my own business. If they don’t like me, that’s their problem.”
He studied me for a bit, then conceded a sad smile. “I wish I could do that.”
“Why can’t you? Just start telling yourself it doesn’t matter what people think of you. Do what makes you happy and stop giving a shit what other people think. You’ll be so much happier.”
He let out a laugh. “Is it that easy?”
“It’s exactly that easy.” I sat on my bed, opened my laptop, and waited for Netflix to load. “How are you going to own Hollywood if you wear the expectations of everyone?”
He sat down on the end of my bed with a sigh. “I dunno... I just... feedback is good though, right?”
“That depends. Is it feedback on your craft, on the art of your acting, of the character you play? Or is it someone’s opinion and preconceived expectations? Because those are two very different things. If it’s the former, then sure. If you can take it constructively and if you can learn from it, then yes. If it’s the latter and if it’s gonna eat you up inside, then hell no.”