Page 67 of Curses & Kitsune

Nothing hurts when I wake up. Not at first.

Dawn light streams in through the blinds. The world is quiet and still. Jinta lies in my arms, his cheek to my chest, like he’s sleeping. It starts in my bones, an ache that goes soul-deep. My lungs tighten, and my chest feels heavy when I look into his lifeless eyes.

What am I going to do without him? There’s no point in trying to live when a part of me has been torn from my chest. This whole world can burn down for all I care. All I want is to join him in death. Kissing his forehead, I squeeze my eyes shut as a spasm of pain racks me.

I can’t feel Jinta anymore. The bond between us is gone. My wolf has fallen silent, and his presence is barely there. I feel closer to a human than ever before, and I can’t imagine I’ll be able to shift again. I don’t know what happens when a wolf loses his mate, but I’ll find out soon enough.

Tears burn my eyes, and I cover Jinta’s cold skin with kisses, then bury my nose in his hair. His cherry blossom scent has faded, or maybe I just can’t smell him anymore with my wolf so weak. They’ll come for Jinta soon to prepare him for burial. I hold him tighter. They’ll have to pry him from my cold, dead arms. Or cremate me with him. I’ll never get to have him in my arms again, feel him against me. This is all so wrong. We weren’t supposed to say goodbye.

A chill creeps over my skin, raising the hair on my arms. A breeze tickles the nape of my neck, but the windows were closed, weren’t they?

“I am sorry for your loss.” It’s a woman’s voice. She stands at the foot of the bed, clothed in a red kimono. She’s pale and black-haired and has a narrow, foxlike face. She can only be Tamano-no-Mae. I’m not sure why I can see her, but I don’t really care.

“Piss off.” I focus on brushing Jinta’s hair off his forehead. I can’t imagine a world where Jinta doesn’t exist.

“There’s no time to grieve.”

I glare at her. “Fuck you. You did nothing to save him!”

“Because there was nothing I could do,” she snaps.

“If you hadn’t possessed him, none of this shit would have happened!” The hunters wouldn’t have targeted us. Ishida wouldn’t have gotten pissed and betrayed our group. Or maybe not. Maybe all of this was preordained, but I just need someone, anyone, to lash out at. “Do us both a favor and fuck off! Go burn the world down like you said you would. I don’t care.”

“Are you done?” She folds her arms and glares at me. “Time is running out! Now, do you want to save your mate or not?”

I can save Jinta? Did I mishear? How is it possible he can be saved when he’s lying cold in my arms? No. I can’t afford to hope. If I’m let down, I’ll never recover.

“If you’re playing a trick, kitsune, I swear I’ll—”

“You can’t feel Jinta, but I can, and furthermore, I can see him! That’s why I’m able to communicate with you, because of his bond to you.”

My heart skips a beat. “R-Really? Where is he?”

“He’s a spirit. You can’t see or touch him. But he can see you. He’s been sitting beside you all night, sniveling like a pup.”

Sorrow chokes me. “Where?”

She waves a hand, motioning to my left. There’s no one there. I have no idea if she’s telling the truth.

“He—” She sighs like she’s embarrassed. “He wants me to pass on a message to you before he leaves.”

“Leaves?” Fear grips my heart. “What do you mean?”

“Spirits can only linger so long after death. Once he has gone to Yomi and eaten from the banquet hall, he will be a part of the world of the dead forever and able to wander as a spirit.”

“No. He can’t. Jinta, don’t go. Please, don’t go.” I wish I could see him. “Is he okay? Is he in pain?” Please let him be at peace…

Tamano is quiet a moment, then she says, “He says he is fine. But he’s scared. He doesn’t have much time left.”

Tears nip my eyes. “Don’t be scared. I’ll be right here,” I whisper to the space beside my left shoulder, wishing I could see him.

Tamano clears her throat and grimaces. “He… he wants to tell you that he’s sorry.”

Swallowing around the lump in my throat, I say, “Me, too, Sunshine. I’m so sorry.

“He says you’re not a disappointment. You’re the love of his life. He loves you, and he always will.”

I press my lips hard together as they tremble, a tear spilling down my cheek. This pain is like nothing I have ever felt. As I brush a kiss over his forehead, it feels like I’ll break apart. “I love you, too. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Wiping my eyes, I look at Tamano. “What else? Tell me what else he said!”

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