Page 31 of Curses & Kitsune

I let us both inside, my bare feet slapping the wood and leaving bloody smears behind. The scent of tatami brings back memories of gathering here with Namikawa and the others, sitting beside my grandfather. I glance toward the tatami room and almost expect to see him kneeling there, a cup of green tea steaming by his hand. Rubbing my chest, I shake away the image. My feelings for the old man are… complicated, but I miss him.

The stairs creak as I climb them. Jinta’s claws click over the wood as he follows me up to the second floor where the bedrooms are. My eyes getting heavier by the second, I slide open a door and find a couple of futons on the floor. The room smells like dust, but no one has been here in a long time.

Exhausted, I crash down into the futons. The mattresses dip as the kitsune settles in behind me. His tails wrap around me, and his nose bumps against the back of my neck, the coldness of it making me shiver.

When I close my eyes, the screams and agonized howls come back to me. Images of the kitsune shaking hunters and wolves in his jaws, my wolves, make my heart race. Tonight went nothing like it was supposed to. I allowed my own men to abduct Jinta. Allowed him to kill them. His desire to protect me turned him into a monster.

I’ve turned him into a monster.

And if I can’t get him the hell out of this life, I’m going to watch my sunshine be consumed by the darkness of my world.

Chapter 11

Iwake in the night, and it takes me a moment to figure out where I am. Flickers of memory tease me. I was flying, I think. But wait. What happened before that? Images flash. There was a warehouse. Takada and Akira’s hunters. Raiden arrived.

My heart skips. That’s right. Raiden came, and dozens of hunters hurled themselves on him. Cold terror had gripped me. I’d tried to escape the barrier, but no matter how hard I’d hit it, I’d been unable to get free.

For a heart-stopping moment, I’d been sure I was about to watch as Raiden was killed trying to save me. Fury had burned me up inside and—

Gunfire. Screams of hunters. Agonized howls of wolves. Blood gushing in my mouth and down my throat. Bone crunching between my jaws.

Cold sweat breaks out over my body. I lurch upright, a hand over my mouth as bile rises in my throat. Oh, fuck. What have I done? I’d completely lost control, and I… I’d killed people. My hand starts to shake, my heart thumping out of control. Not even Raiden’s sweet yuzu scent can soothe me. Carefully, I untangle myself from where I’m wrapped around his body, hoping I don’t wake him.

Desperate for air, I go downstairs, and once I’m outside, I sit on the stoop. The night is cool and quiet. My chest is tight, and I struggle to suck in a full breath to calm my racing heart. Pulling my legs to my chest, I hide my face behind my knees. A whimper escapes me, and I clench my jaw tight to hold in my despair.

I became a monster. No better than Tamano-no-Mae when she’d slaughtered all those poor people Namikawa had forced Raiden to capture. The moment I’d scented Raiden’s blood, felt his agony through the bond, I’d lost all control. What if it happens again? Who else will I hurt?

A low, musical laugh makes me freeze. I can feel the kitsune’s presence, looming like a dark cloud above me. “If you were stronger, you could control it.”

I squeeze my knees tighter to me. “Shut up.”

“Why do you feel so bad? Don’t you enjoy feeling powerful?”

My jaw creaks as I tighten it in anger. “You’ve turned me into a monster. Maybe I should have died if this was what I was going to become.”

She scoffs. There’s the sound of a fan snapping open, then a flapping sound as she fans herself. “I did this? You insult me. If I’d been in control of the kitsune, not a soul in that warehouse would still be alive. Besides, I can’t take full control while I am confined to your body, unfortunately. Or else I would have done so already. Do you think I like being stuck in your head, human? Listening to you pine over your mate like the main character of a romance manga?”

Heat flames my cheeks. “I do not pine over him.”

Fanning herself with a bored expression, she continues, “Your feelings of inadequacy, of weakness—that is what made you lose control. You have no confidence.”

Snorting, I prop my chin on my knee. “Gee. I wonder why? Could it be the lady in my head shit-talking me all the time?” As if I need her to tell me I think the worst of myself. Even though I have a partner who sees the best in me, I still struggle to see what Raiden does.

“As do I,” Tamano chimes in, making me scowl when I realize she heard my thoughts. “He’s a fine mate. Strong. Handsome. You do not deserve him.”

My fingers curl. “And you do? Make up your mind. Do you want to kill him, or are you jealous?”

She hmphs and turns her pale face to the moon above. “Why would I ever want another mate? I have always been better off alone. Men are tools to use and throw aside. That is all they’re good for.”

I huff, amused. “Oh, really? So you’ve never loved anyone? Not once?”

Tamano turns her face away, shoulders rising toward her ears. I can tell I’ve struck a nerve. “Of course I have. It was a mistake.”

I lean back on the heels of my hands and stretch out my feet so they dangle off the steps of the porch. “Who was he?”

“None of your concern,” she snaps.

I’m too curious to let things lie. “Look, I get it. My last boyfriend cheated on me. I was pretty sure I wanted nothing to do with guys again. Ever.” Am I seriously talking about boys with the ancient kitsune possessing my soul? My life. Whatever. I’m going with it. “But I met Raiden, and our connection was just… instantaneous. He’s great. So maybe there’s another guy out there for you.”

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