Page 58 of Curses & Kitsune

Emotion plugs my throat. “Raiden and I had a big fight, and… I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again.” Tears spill from my eyes in a rush.

My mother’s face pinches with sympathy. “Oh. I’m so sorry, dear.” She pulls me in for a hug, enveloping me in her warmth and comforting scent, and I just crumble. My mother hasn’t held me in years, and it feels so good to be in her arms. Her embrace is a temple, sturdy and strong, nourishing my body and spirit. For a moment, it feels like we’re a normal family. Like she loves me.

“I’ve missed you,” I whisper, sniffling.

She sniffles, too, and squeezes me. “Me, too, dear. Come in. I’ll make you some tea.”

Snuffling and wiping my eyes, I step inside after her. I take off my shoes and step into the slippers she’s put out for me. My face must look terrible. I need to get myself together before my dad sees me crying. He’d always get angry if I cried.

“I need the toilet. I’ll be back,” I say while my mom heads into the kitchen. In the bathroom, I blow my nose and splash water on my face, trying to get rid of the ugly red splotches on my skin.

Tamano appears in the mirror behind me. “What are you doing here, Jinta?”

I squeeze the edge of the sink. “I just need support, okay?”

“I’ve seen your thoughts. These people treated you wretchedly. You owe them nothing.”

“I know that,” I grit out.

She arches a brow. “Do you? What are you hoping you will accomplish here?”

“I don’t know.”

“You do,” she argues, flicking a curtain of ebony hair over her shoulder. “If you’re hoping they will suddenly accept you, you’re only going to be disappointed.”

Her words chip away at my defenses, revealing the hope I’m guarding so close to me. The hope that this time, things will be different. They’ll accept me as their son. They’ll love me like they love Katsuki.

“You need nothing from them.”

I swallow hard. “If Raiden has… if he’s l-left me, I’m going to be alone the rest of my life. I can’t be alone.” My throat aches, eyes stinging.

Tamano touches my shoulder, and I feel something. Like a cool breeze over my skin. “Better to be alone the rest of your life, than stuck with people who make you feel alone. You are a remarkable man, Jinta. How can you not see that? You worked your way into Noboru’s heart and made him feel. Uncovered Namikawa’s secrets. You made a life for yourself all on your own. You don’t need Noboru or your family.”

No. I needed Raiden. But he didn’t need me. He’d made that painfully clear.

Tamano sighs. “I can see nothing I say will convince you of your worth. Very well. But do not expect something for nothing.”

“Yeah. Okay,” I say, but inwardly, her words make defensive anger surge through me. “Or maybe they just genuinely want to see me.”

Tamano shrugs. “Perhaps. We shall see.” She vanishes.

Look, historically speaking, my parents don’t have a great track record. They’ve never gone out of their way for me, never showed me that they cared, but people can change. Taking in a fortifying breath, I pat my face dry with a towel and leave the room.

“Oh!” My father jumps as I almost walk into him.

My heart lurches. “H-hey, Dad.”

He grunts, then narrows his eyes at me. “Were you crying?”

Heat races up my neck to my cheeks. “No! I’m fine.”

My father shakes his head in blatant disapproval. “Get a hold of yourself. What we have to discuss is important. You can’t wriggle out of your obligations to this family by being manipulative.” He steps past me into the bathroom.

I’m too outraged to speak. My hands clenched, I make my way to the living room. Rain streaks down the floor-to-ceiling windows, and gray clouds obscure the normally beautiful view of Osaka and makes the apartment feel darker than usual.

“The tea will be done in a moment,” Mom assures me.

“Okay. I’ll be back.” I want to take a look at my old room. I haven’t seen my room since before I went off to college in Tokyo. Past the living room is a narrow hall that connects to the bedrooms Katsuki and I used to sleep in. My parents have a room on the other side of the penthouse. I feel like a totally different person from the teen who used to hide away in his bedroom. Teenage Jinta Onodera had drowned in loneliness and frustration, constantly overshadowed by his big brother, torn between being himself and being the perfect son his parents wanted.

---