Page 54 of Curses & Kitsune

Why am I so nervous? That wasn’t exactly the most engaging conversation starter. Try something else. “Have you been to Osaka before?”

Raiden lowers his gaze. “My family would visit to see my grandparents on my mom’s side. Don’t remember much.” He becomes interested in the crumbs from his donut, pushing them around his plate.

I’m not imagining things. He is distant. Worry claws at me. Trying to keep him engaged, I say, “I grew up here.”

A little flicker of interest shines in his eyes before it’s quickly extinguished. “Oh, right. Must have a lot of memories.”

I laugh. It sounds fake to my own ears. “Yeah…”

The conversation dies. Neither of us can carry it.

“Think we should get a move on.” He clears the table.

There’s a pit in my stomach growing wider by the second as I watch him walk away from me. What’s going on? Does this have anything to do with whatever deal he made with Takada, or the meeting with his mother, or what we did last night? There are too many possibilities. Unable to sit still, I follow Raiden out the door after we grab our bags.

While the skies were only a little overcast this morning, they’ve darkened considerably. The gray clouds only lower my spirits. I climb into the passenger seat with Raiden. Raiden says nothing as he starts the car, all his focus on the road. The scent of his distress is thick in the air, feeding my own misery. I want so badly to reach out to him, but I don’t think he’d let me. The silence hangs between us as we drive through the streets. I can’t take this. There has to be something I can say to cheer him up, but it’s difficult when I don’t know what’s wrong.

“Raiden?”

He grunts curiously but keeps his eyes on the road.

Wetting my dry lips, I say, “It’s going to be okay. We can find your father.”

A pained look twists across Raiden’s face, one I can’t decipher.

“You were really brave facing your mother like that.” Respect for him warms my voice. “I can’t even face my family. It was hard, but you did it.”

Raiden’s throat bobs when he swallows, and my heart sinks when moisture gathers in his eyes. Shit. I need to change the subject. I look out the window, desperate for something to say, anything. Maybe the present is too painful, but what about the future?

“Hey. Once this is all over, let’s go away together. How about Thailand? I’ve always wanted to go. It can be just us. No yakuza or hunters.”

Suddenly, Raiden yanks on the wheel. I yelp in fear and surprise. Cars honk as Raiden cuts through the lane beside us and slams on the brakes when we reach the curb.

“Raiden! What the hell?” My heart is about to leap out of my throat, and my hands shake violently. Raiden’s knuckles whiten over the wheel, and he sucks in ragged gulps of air. My fear only deepens when I notice how wide and glossy his eyes are. I’ve never seen him so panicked before.

“Can’t,” he rasps, sounding like he’s choking. He slumps over, forehead to the wheel. “I can’t think about a future.”

I wince. Damn it. I only upset him more. “Okay,” I say softly. “That’s okay. We don’t have to talk about anything if you don’t want to. We can just drive.” Raiden sucks in a ragged breath, hands shaking around the wheel. “Baby…” I touch his leg. His knee jerks violently.

“Don’t,” he croaks, his voice a desperate plea.

It feels like I’ve been punched in the stomach. “Okay.”

I take in slow breaths to keep myself together. Raiden’s harsh pants slowly shift, following the soothing rhythm of my breathing. Rain starts to fall, tapping against the windows. Raiden activates the windshield wipers. In the silence between us, the windshield wipers pulse like a heart.

“I’ve been thinking.” His voice is monotonous, like he’s utterly drained. His throat clicks when he swallows. Suddenly, I fear his next words more than anything else. Still, I wait, hanging on his every word. Willing him not to break my heart. “When this is over, maybe you should stay in Osaka.”

My heart stumbles to a stop in my chest. I can’t say a word. Maybe if I just hear him out, it won’t be nearly as bad as I think it is. Maybe—

Raiden blows out a shaky breath. “Or somewhere else. Anywhere you want. The pack will look after you, give you whatever you need.”

“Why?” I don’t recognize my voice. I’ve never sounded so small, so hurt.

Raiden clenches his teeth hard, a muscle beating in his jaw. “Takada made me an offer.”

My heart sinks into my stomach.

“He’s going to let the Namikawa-kai survive. If I… if I give myself to him.”

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