Page 44 of Curses & Kitsune

My fingers twitch. All I want is to reach out and touch him. “It was a bit scary.”

His brows furrowing, Raiden closes his eyes tight. “I’m sorry.”

The remorse in his voice makes my heart ache. I grab his hand and squeeze tight, trying to find the nerve to ask my question. “Do you”—I almost choke on the words—“do you want to leave the yakuza, Raiden? Is a normal life really something you want? Just tell me.”

His silence makes my stomach twist. Raiden wets his lips, lowering his gaze. “I… don’t know.”

I try not to wince, even though his words feel like a battering ram to my heart.

“I want you, Jinta. But I don’t know if I can give you what you need. I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal enough for the life you want.”

That makes sense. It does, really. Adjusting to a civilian life would be a challenge for him, but I think he could do it. It sounds like he’s just doubtful. I lean over and press my lips to his shoulder, rubbing my hand up and down his arm. “I think you could do anything you set your mind to, baby.”

Raiden huffs. “Wish I had your confidence.”

I need him close, now. When he turns around, leaning back against the railing, I cage him in, hands gripping the railing on either side of his big body. “Say it?” I ask, wincing at how desperate I sound.

And because he knows me to my core, he doesn’t have to ask what I need. His breath warms my lips, long lashes fanning his cheeks as his eyes close. “I’ll always want you, Sunshine. I don’t know what kind of life I want, but I want you by my side. Always.”

My eyes sting, and my chest tightens. I bring my lips to his, cradling his face between my hands. Breath quickening, I swipe my tongue over his plush lower lip. He lets me in, and sweet relief sings through my veins. He still wants me, still needs me, and, god, I need him. I’ll always need him. Our tongues tangle as I press myself against his body, his taste making me whimper.

Raiden’s chest rises and falls fast against me, scent spicy with need. “No more talking. Not now. Just… keep touching me.” There’s an unspoken plea in his voice. He needs me to be in control for him now, and fuck, being needed so intensely makes my cock throb.

I capture his mouth, smooth my hands down his powerful chest, and I shiver at how hard his nipples are beneath the fabric. “I’ve got you, baby. I can do that.”

I’m going to take such good care of him.

Chapter 16

The mattress creaks beneath me, the sheets soft against my bare skin.

Jinta stands over the bed, lips flushed and swollen from our fervent kisses on the way to the bedroom, his eyes black with need. He drops his pants and boxers in one go, his long slender cock curling up toward his stomach, and tosses off his shirt. My cock pulses at the sight of all that pale, bare skin, his cute pink nipples hard and straining.

Jinta lunges for me, hands slamming into the mattress on either side of my head. His long legs tangle up with mine, and the hard length of him brushes over my leaking cock. Jinta swallows my ragged groan with his lips, teeth nipping, tongue thrusting. My whole body burns for him as I tug on his hair, and an urge I’ve never felt before rises within me. I want to submit to him.

“Yesterday, in the shower, I wanted to ask if you’ve ever bottomed before.”

My heart skips. I haven’t bottomed in years. The last person I bottomed for was Takada, and that was… I shudder. “I have,” I say, swallowing hard. My arousal threatens to flag at the memories clawing at me. “With… him.”

Jinta’s eyes darken, and anger floods his sweet scent.

Takada groomed me and took me to his bed as soon as I was legal. Our time together turned me off from exploring my bisexuality for years. Later on in life when I was ready, I reclaimed the first time he tainted for me with better experiences. I no longer think of the night we spent together as my first time, or even as sex. It was cruelty, nothing more or less.

Wetting my lips, I avert my gaze from Jinta. “Not with anyone else since. It was too—it hurt.” I just shake my head at a sudden loss for words. If I start talking, I’ll open the lid on a box I’ve kept locked up for years. I’ll drown in self-loathing. I can’t let Jinta see me like that. He’s seen the worst of me enough for today.

Panic squeezes my chest. Does Jinta want to top? I don’t know if I can do that. Don’t know the places my mind will take me. But what if I hurt him by saying no? What if he thinks the worst of me? What if—

“Baby.” Jinta cradles my cheek. I open my eyes, not realizing I’d shut them—or that I’d started shaking and panting like a frightened animal. “We don’t have to. Okay? You can say no to me, and I’ll always respect that. I just wanted to make you feel as good as I do. You have a choice with me. I’d never…” Jinta’s throat bobs, and his eyes glisten. “I’d never hurt you. Never.”

My throat’s tight. I feel like I’m going to break apart. Nobody has ever treated me the way he does, like I’m cherished—and I’ve hurt him. He’s been hurt because of me. Could still get hurt, and it would be all my fault. Jinta is the only person I’ve never wanted to hurt, and I…

“M-might never be ready for that,” I croak, breathing hard as I avert my gaze.

“That’s okay,” Jinta whispers, breath warm against my mouth. His thumb strokes over my cheek. “That’s fine, I promise. I love what we do together. I love… I love you.”

Fuck. My chest is going to splinter apart.

“Tell me what you need,” Jinta implores me, kissing down my jaw, fingers stroking my hair.

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