Page 39 of Curses & Kitsune

Ishida’s throat works furiously, but he gags. Rolling over, he vomits onto the ground, coughing and spitting.

“Pathetic.” I slam my foot into his heaving stomach, making him roll onto his back. Fisting the sweat-dampened front of his shirt, I haul him in close and crack my fist across his nose. The bone snaps, and blood gushes down Ishida’s face. Before the wound has a chance to heal, I strike him hard again and again. His blood smears my knuckles, hot and wet. My finger breaks on his jaw.

I drown in the smell of his blood, reveling in the fact that it’s him and not me who’s helpless and weak. For once, I’m in control, and I never want to be helpless again. For as long as I live, there will always be enemies breathing down my neck, trying to drag me back down into the mud at their feet. I’ll never be able to have a normal life. Leaving the yakuza will be nothing but a death sentence to me and Jinta. The only way either of us can survive is if all of Tokyo knows my name and fears me.

“Raiden, stop!” Someone grabs my wrist and holds tight.

Sweat drips down my face, mixing with the spatters of Ishida’s blood. Strands of hair hang in my face and stick to my forehead. The breath saws in and out of my lungs, and shudders rack my body. Ishida groans beneath me, his face a bloody swollen mess. He’s still alive to threaten me and mine, and I won’t stand for it.

The sweet aroma of cherry blossoms threatens to take the edge off my wild rage. Panic makes my chest hitch. Jinta’s here. He saw me lose control. Bile burns my throat. Wetting my lips and tasting blood, I turn and encounter wide, frightened brown eyes.

Jinta drops my wrist and stumbles back, glassy eyes darting from me to Ishida’s bloody face. “T-that’s enough.” His voice shakes, breathy with fear.

I wring out my hand, wincing as one of my disjointed fingers pops back into place. “He’s still alive.”

“I don’t care.” Jinta blinks hard, chest rising faster. “You’ve made your point.”

The eyes of my people weigh on my shoulders. Whispers flicker through the room, tinged with unease. Even Ren looks disturbed. So, this is the kind of leader I am. Not one who rules with respect, but fear. I’m nothing like Namikawa. No. I’m more like Takada.

I went too far. Way too far. I thought this was what I wanted, to be feared and powerful, but one look in Jinta’s petrified eyes and disgust makes my insides roil. I terrified him. But why? I’ve done way worse than beat a man bloody. I’ve killed people before, for him, for fuck’s sake, and he never looked at me like I’m an out-of-control beast.

I reach for him with bloodied hands. “Jinta—”

He takes a step back. “Don’t touch me.”

His rejection hurts like a physical blow.

Without another word, Jinta turns and walks out. I can’t breathe. It feels like I’m drowning. All I want is to chase after him and beg him on my hands and knees not to leave me, to swear I’ll change. But if I went to him now and he told me he was disgusted with me and never wanted to see me again, I’d break.

I wipe my bloody hands on my trousers and force myself to turn away from the warehouse doors. I pick up the dagger and clean it with a handkerchief from my pocket. Then I approach Ren. “Take Jinta to Charlie’s.” I draw the blade across my palm and squeeze a few drops of blood into the tissue. “Bring this for the ritual.”

Ren nods, and I ignore the worry creasing her brow. “Got it.”

Once I’ve handed her the bloody tissue, I collapse into the chair by Ishida’s battered body and don’t move until everyone has left the room. Metal grinds against metal, and the doors close, leaving me alone.

I was wrong. I’m not powerful or untouchable. I’m still a prisoner, shackled by my own demons, and if I can’t exorcise them, then I’m going to lose the only man who makes my wretched life worth living.

Chapter 15

What’s wrong with me?

Why can’t I get Raiden’s face out of my head?

Ren drives us through Tokyo’s streets, but I’m far away from the car, my attention drifting in and out of focus. Sometimes, I’m in the back seat of the car. Then, I’m back in the warehouse, watching as Raiden twists himself into something I barely recognize.

A frustrated sigh escapes me, and I lean my forehead against the glass. Why is this getting to me? I’ve seen him kill people. It’s as natural to the life he lives as stubbing my toe on every piece of furniture on my way to the bathroom at night is to me. I don’t even like Ishida. Hell, I was glad to see him get what he deserved.

Until I looked at Raiden, and saw the wicked grin splitting his face in two. How free he’d looked as he towered over Ishida. I don’t think I’ve seen him that happy, even when he’s with me.

Raiden doesn’t revel in killing or beating people up. He’s not a sadist. It’s simply part of a job description for him. Even if he was committing violence in my name, he still wouldn’t enjoy it. And, as messed up as it is, I like that he wants to protect me, that he’d kill for me. Ever since we met, he’s made me feel safe and cherished.

But this… this wasn’t that. This was different. I could feel his emotions through our bond now that I’m a kitsune, and all I got from him was waves of adrenaline—and beneath it all, fear. Raiden was scared, and I don’t know why.

“Are you okay?” Ren’s soft voice makes me jump.

“Uh… yeah. Yeah, I’m fine.” The false cheer makes my voice squeakier than usual.

Ren glares at me in the mirror. “I’m not stupid, Jinta. Come on. Talk to me.”

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