Page 73 of Secrets & Sake

I’m so unworthy of his feelings. I try to look away, but Hiro doesn’t let me. He pulls me close so our foreheads touch.

“You’re not a monster. Not to me. Raiden…” He suddenly hesitates, eyes wide and full of vulnerability I’ve never seen before. “Raiden, I—”

Whatever he was about to say gets interrupted when a car honks on the road behind us. Ren waves out the window. “Hey, boys!” She parks and hops out. “I’m not late, am I?”

“Yeah, you missed the meeting. Namikawa’s booting you from the pack.”

“Ha, ha,” Ren intones. “Hiro, come on!”

I linger a moment, needing some space after my talk with Hiro. Hideyoshi’s familiar Cadillac parks in the driveway, and my grandfather carefully steps out.

“Heading inside?” he asks.

“In a moment.” Tilting my head back, I gaze up at the blue sky. “I told Hiro about Takada.”

Hideyoshi gives me a surprised but pleased look, though he doesn’t speak. He knows there’s more on my mind.

“It was hard, but… I think it helped me realize some stuff.”

“Such as?”

I don’t talk about deep, personal stuff a lot, so I’m not sure what to say. “Just. I don’t know. Stuff. About my relationship with Hiro. How different it is, I guess. How real it feels. Does that even make sense? He’s my… my mate. I thought I didn’t believe in that stuff, but lately, I don’t know. It’s all starting to make sense to me.”

“Really?”

I nod stiffly.

Hideyoshi’s mouth stretches into a full-on grin, and he looks years younger. He grips my shoulders, eyes warm and suspiciously damp. “I’m so very happy for you.”

I try to hold back my own happiness, but I can’t. He knows me better than anyone, and he was always there to pick me up after my parents and Takada shattered me to pieces time and again.

“I worried so much about you, you know. After your parents abandoned you, then when Namikawa insisted on having you. Then when that animal hurt you time and again.”

“I’m sorry.” I hate myself for making him worry so much after everything he’s done for me. “I was a mess.”

“You were hurting. Drowning in so much pain and anger. I taught you to cook because, for me, that was my outlet for all my pain and frustration, and while I think that helped, it wasn’t what you needed. You needed someone to love you in all the ways you deserve to be loved, Raiden.”

I look away, trying to hide from how hard his words are hitting me. “I’m a moron for hanging on to Takada like I did.”

My grandfather just shakes his head. “I think we accept the kind of love we believe we deserve. Your parents abandoned you. They failed you in every way one can fail one’s child. It’s no wonder you felt deserving of the pain Takada inflicted. It’s their loss. You have brought joy into my life, Raiden. I hope you know that.”

I cough loudly, trying to dislodge the lump from my throat. “Shit. Come on.” I squeeze past him and toward the house. I take a moment to wipe my eyes quickly while my back is to him. Is he trying to kill me? Today’s been draining enough.

My grandfather grips my shoulder hard just before I can go inside. “Raiden, open your heart to other things. Let yourself dream of a life outside the Namikawa-kai.”

I ball my hands into fists. I can’t afford to dream about a future. “What am I supposed to do?” Desperation bleeds into my voice. “This is my life. There’s no room for anything else.”

Hideyoshi grips my wrist tighter. “It doesn’t have to be. You could leave. Run as far away as you can. Let me deal with Namikawa.”

My heart skips a beat. I rip my hand out of his warm grasp. “Are you crazy?” I hiss, looking both ways as if I expect Namikawa to jump out of the shadows. “You want me to betray Namikawa?”

“Namikawa is not invincible, Raiden. He’s a man.”

His words make me freeze in my tracks. “What are you saying?”

Hideyoshi’s voice is so soft, I can barely hear him when he says, “I can stop him, Raiden. Just give me time. Trust me. Please. You will never be put under his control again, but you must wait a little while longer.”

My heart is racing fast. He can’t be serious. Has the old man lost his mind? I shake my head and back away. “I can’t think about this. And you’d be smart to forget ever bringing this up.”

---