Page 69 of Secrets & Sake

My world had turned upside down. I’d had my first kiss with a guy who not only had similar interests as me, but he’d also actively encouraged my own passions, as well. I hadn’t been so happy in a long time.

I still smile thinking about it, though my heart twinges with pain. “Honestly,” I say to Raiden. “If I hadn’t met him, I probably wouldn’t have fallen back in love with photography.”

Raiden frowns as he cards his fingers through my hair. “So what happened? It can’t all be sunshine and rainbows, right?”

No. Not at all.

“I brought Takahiro over to meet my family. They didn’t know we were a couple. I told them he was a good friend. He was mostly there to support me when I told them that after I graduated high school, I was going to study at a university of my choosing rather than the one they’d wanted. He stood up for me when they got upset. When I moved into my dorm in Tokyo, we decided to be long-distance. Everything was fine at first, but…” The words get trapped. Shame scorches my cheeks.

“What?” Raiden brushes his knuckles over my cheek.

I swallow hard. “Everything fell apart when I went back to Osaka so we could spend Christmas together. Our first one as a couple. I was excited.”

Heart racing, I blink fast as memories assault me. I still remember the gifts I brought him from Tokyo, a miniature of Tokyo Tower, and I’d splurged on a new lens for his camera because he’d liked mine so much.

I opened the door to Takahiro’s apartment, and immediately, distant grunts and moans had hit my ears. I’d frozen in my tracks, sickness roiling in my stomach. I’ll never forget the sight of Takahiro, head thrown back in bliss as he moaned—and my brother Katsuki standing behind him, groaning as he fucked my boyfriend into the sofa.

And that was the last time I saw my brother for five years.

“I guess I should have seen it coming.”

“Why?” Raiden’s voice is stone cold, lips set in a thin line.

“They hit it off at dinner. Everyone has always loved Katsuki. My parents. The kids at school. Everyone he’s ever dated. I understand why. He’s so cool. Good at everything he does. He’s charismatic and handsome. Hardworking. I thought I’d finally found someone who chose me. Someone who saw me. Accepted me.”

Raiden wipes away the tear I hadn’t realized had fallen.

Sniffing, I shake my head. “I’m such an idiot. I’m nothing compared to him. I’ll n-never be good enough. Not for my family, my brother. Anyone.”

“Hey.” Raiden’s voice is gruff. He grips my chin and turns my face toward him. “You’re enough for me.”

“For how long?” I choke out, unable to stop the flood of my worst fears as they pour suddenly out of me. “H-how long before you realize I’m nothing special? A nobody. Some failure who turned his back on his family, and for what? I’ve accomplished nothing. I—”

“Sunshine, enough.” The harsh growl of Raiden’s voice makes me jump.

Suddenly, he’s pulled me into his lap, my head smacking against his hard chest. He pens me in against him, big arms tight around me. “Do you know why I call you sunshine?”

Hiccupping, I shake my head.

“Because for so long, my world was nothing but darkness until you smiled and it was like all the lights came on. Do you understand what that means? To finally have someone as bright and warm as you in this fucked-up world of mine? It’s everything. You’re everything. And I will kill anyone who tries to take my sunshine away. I’m choosing you, Hiro. I will always choose you.”

Tears spill from my eyes before I can stop them. Overcome, I bury my face in his chest and let him hold me as every wall I’ve built around myself cracks and crumbles to pieces.

I’ve never trusted anyone so much. All my life, I’ve kept people at a safe distance because I thought that once they got to know me, once they knew how worthless I was, they’d only be disappointed when I failed to measure up. Like my family. Like Takahiro.

But somehow, I’m enough for Raiden. I don’t have to prove a thing to him. All I have to do is give myself to him, cracked pieces and all, and he takes me as I am.

It doesn’t feel real. What I’ve found with him is too good to be true, and I’m scared, so damn scared, that I’m going to ruin this.

We don’t speak. He kisses and strokes my skin. I wonder at him, how he can be tender yet so strong, sour one moment then sweet the next.

This man of mine has so many layers to him, and beneath all of them is a heart so fragile and soft that I want to cradle it in my hands so it never gets broken. I want to spend years unraveling his every secret until I know him like I know myself.

“You okay?” he finally asks.

I nod. “Yeah. Sorry about that. I’m fine. Really.”

“Good.” He rubs my back.

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