Page 64 of Secrets & Sake

“Way to put that on me!” I throw up my arms and pace. Shakes rack my body. There’s no time to panic. I’ve got a werewolf to save. Shoving my panic aside, I race into the bathroom and tear the room apart until I find what I need. Bandages. Antiseptic. Pliers. Fuck me, man…

There’s a crash. In the living room, Raiden has fallen face down. My legs turn to jelly, and I collapse at his side and roll him over. “Raiden? Raiden! Don’t you dare fucking die on me! I’m not going to therapy because of you! You hear? Wake up!” Tears sting my eyes. I slap him. Hard.

He jolts, snarling up at me, but it lacks glowing eyes and fangs.

I’m not a doctor. I have no idea what I’m doing. I hope his healing will make up for any mistakes I make.

I pull on some gloves and rest my fingers near the angry wound oozing red and something nasty and inky-black. Raiden’s chest rises fast. I grab his hand and squeeze. “This is gonna hurt.”

“S’okay,” he croaks. “I don’t mind if it’s you.”

My heart squeezes. “Do you trust me?”

He holds my gaze, eyes bright with pain and fear. Raiden nods. “Y-yeah. I do.”

I kiss his cold fingers and swallow the lump in my throat. “Remember that before you take my head off, okay?”

Here goes nothing…

Chapter 18

Itrust Hiro.

Even as excruciating pain tears through me and I writhe and claw at the ground with blunt nails, and I grab the back of his jacket and clutch on for dear life. Tears burn my eyes, and I gnash my teeth against the agony.

“I know. I know. I’m so sorry,” Hiro says again and again as he hurts me.

I wish I could tell him it’s okay, but the pain whites everything out.

I can count the people I trust on one hand. People I’ve known all my life who earned their spot there. I’ve known Hiro for such a short time, but I trust him completely.

My life’s in his hands, and I’m fine with that. I mean, if I died, I’d feel bad traumatizing him like that, but I have hope that I’ll make it out the other side of this. If I have to die, it’s okay, as long as I’m with him. I’m where I’m meant to be.

With my mate. Hiro’s my mate.

Why is it only now I’m admitting it to myself?

My mom, she thought Dad was her mate. He thought she was his. Always said they were destined to meet. He even had a lucky coin in his pocket the day they met. The five-yen coin he gave my mom, who gave it to me.

Destiny. I stopped believing in such bullshit when I was a kid. Fate, destined mates, all that nonsense… it wasn’t real. If it was, my father never would have cheated. My family would have been happy for all of our lives. Mom wouldn’t have left me behind and given me to Namikawa.

So why… why am I only just now starting to believe in fate? How is it that one man can come along and bust through every wall I’ve ever built around my heart? I forgot I even had a heart until it started beating for him.

I’m drifting away, leaving my body and all earthly cares behind. Nothing exists except the slow, hard pump of my heart, the space widening between each beat. The pain disappears. Darkness comes for me.

I haven’t done any good my whole life. I’ve been a bad man. I’ve hurt people. Wasted my life serving Namikawa. There was a lot I wanted to do. Things I once dreamed of that now seem impossible the older and more jaded I become.

I’ve wanted a normal life for so long, but I’ve accepted I’ll never have it. It’s fine. I don’t deserve normalcy. Or love. I’m unlovable. A bad person. Dying is about as much as I deserve.

“Raiden?” A distant voice calls to me.

There’s a little spark, then. A ray of sunlight in the dark.

“Raiden? Open your eyes. Please. Please don’t leave me.”

I think if I did one thing right, it was taking a chance on a smile like sunshine and a scent like cherry blossoms in the springtime.

“Raiden? Please. Come back to me.”

---