Page 53 of Secrets & Sake

“Someone, please! Help me!”

Panic claws at my chest, turning my breaths ragged.

What did I do?

What the fuck happened?

Gasping, I stumble into the en suite bathroom. I tear off my clothes and duck beneath the shower. I rub my hands together beneath the spray and crimson water spatters the tile.

“No! Get away from me! Stop! Let me go!”

I slap my bloody hands over my ears, a pitiful whine escaping me.

What the hell is happening to me?

Are these… memories? Am I losing my fucking mind? How did I get from Namikawa’s warehouse to my apartment? My knees buckle. I slide down the wall and collapse, head flopping back against the slick wall. My hands won’t stop shaking.

What did I do? Who did I kill? Why?

“Excuse me!” A distant voice carries from down the hall. “Raiden? Are you home?”

Hiro. Oh, shit. No, no, no. He can’t see me like this. He can’t. Before I can do anything, there he is, in the bathroom doorway.

Horror seizes Hiro’s face. “Oh my god!” He throws open the glass door and kneels beside me. Water spatters his clothes and soaks his brown hair. The scent of cherry blossoms soothes my frantically beating heart.

“H-hey, Sunshine. I’m fine.” I’d be more convincing if my voice weren’t shaking.

“What happened?” He snatches up my wet, bloody hands. When he sees my missing finger, he sucks in a shuddery gasp. His eyes begin to glisten. “Fuck, baby.”

“I r-ran into some trouble with Namikawa. Takada was there, too.”

Horror widens Hiro’s wet eyes. “They did this?”

“I did.” I didn’t mean to say that. “Namikawa made me.”

There’s a long, icy pause. To my horror, tears fill Hiro’s eyes. “As punishment for Takada’s men. The ones who attacked me.” His lip quivers and his hands start to shake, so he curls them into fists. Tears sparkle like stars in his thick lashes. He looks pretty when he cries, even if I hate it.

“Sunshine, I’m fine.”

“Don’t.” He snarls the word, sounding as fierce as a wolf. “Just don’t.” He turns away, one hand over his eyes. Water drips onto the floor as he steps out of the shower. He takes in a few deep breaths. “Fuck. I’m such an asshole. I’m sorry.”

“For what?” I grab a towel and sling it around my waist, then grab an extra one for him and drape it over his shoulders.

“I had no idea.” His voice is thick with pain. “I thought… I thought you were just ignoring me, but you were… oh, fuck, Raiden. I’m so sorry. I knew something was off. I knew it, but I didn’t do a damn thing.”

“There was nothing you could have done. And why would I ignore you? Like hell I’d just let you forget about me so easily.” I try to reassure him, to be the positive one for a change. “Why does this bother you so much?”

Hiro whirls around. His face is wet, his eyes red and glossy. There’s a mixture of anguish and incredulity there. “What the fuck do you mean? Of course it bothers me! I care about you, you asshole!”

For a moment, I’m too surprised to speak. Hiro… cares. About me? Me?

“You do?” For some reason, my voice comes out all soft and hopeful.

Somehow, this feels different from when Ren says she cares or when my grandad says it. I care about Hiro, but I’ve never stopped to think he might feel the same way about me.

Hiro laughs softly, shaking his head. The sweetest smile lights up his face, and I think, there he is, my sunshine. Then he launches himself at me. His smaller body collides into my chest, arms winding around my shoulders and hauling me against him.

I freeze up instinctively, waiting for pain. After hours of agony, something as normal as a hug feels completely foreign. As his sweet scent caresses my nose, my guard comes down bit by bit. My arms wind around his shoulders, and I let myself relax into his embrace. I nuzzle my nose into his shoulder and breathe in his scent, rubbing the bridge of my nose over his skin to make him smell like me.

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