Page 15 of Secrets & Sake

Hiro’s breathing hard, heart hammering beneath my thumb. At first, I think I spooked him… until the spicy notes of arousal seep into his scent. “And if I…” His throat works beneath my hand. “If I wanted all of that?”

Holy shit.

Maybe I underestimated this guy. I lick his neck, enjoying his gasp. “Depends. What is it that you want?”

Hiro grabs my shirt. He hooks his leg between my thigh and rubs up against the most sensitive parts of me. When he leans in, his breath is hot against my ear. “Take me dancing. And once we’re alone, put your hand around my neck again, and fuck me.”

Chapter 5

Why did I suggest we go dancing first? My dick is going to fall off before the night is over. The logical part of my brain is screaming at me to run the other way. Not only is Raiden the criminal I’m supposed to be investigating, but he also has a possessive streak a mile wide and no concept of boundaries. He’s bad news in every way… and yet I want him so much, I think I’ll lose my mind if I can’t have him.

This isn’t me. I don’t do hookups. Once, I wanted the kind of love I read about in books. Hell, I thought I’d found that kind of love. Until it blew up in my face. I haven’t wanted another relationship since. I’ve kept to myself for so long, but in one night, Raiden is making me want things I swore off long ago.

It's fucked-up, but I’ve always wanted to be desired, obsessed over, wanted. I blame my childhood for that. I was never good enough. I lived my life in the shadow of my family’s love while my brother stole the spotlight. He was adored by our parents and constantly praised, and he got into relationships with people who thought the sun rose and set with him. I was jealous, pure and simple. It’s horrible, but there’s no denying it. Just for once, I want someone who’s all mine. I want Raiden, and somehow, this gorgeous, powerful guy who could have anyone in the world… wants me.

Until he finds out my secret. Or until he realizes I’m just not good enough for him. Damn it. What he thinks of me doesn’t matter. He’s into me? Good. I can use this to my advantage. We’ll fuck. I’ll get him wrapped around my finger, discover his connection to the disappearances, and that will be that. Everything is going according to plan… although I can’t say seducing a yakuza was ever in my plan. Before I know it, I could have enough evidence to pen the story of my career.

Surely after all that, my family will finally stop seeing me as their good-for-nothing son. They’ll see they were wrong to turn up their noses at my idea to move to Tokyo and pursue a career in investigative reporting. Maybe, just maybe, I could be a part of the family again instead of the outsider looking in.

Raiden and I wander the streets of Tokyo’s gay district in Ni-chome, Shinjuku. There are many varieties of bars catering to bears, butch and femme lesbians, and a crowd of leather-clad men wait in line at the doors of what I assume is a BDSM club. Most of the bars are quite small, and crowds spill over into the narrow streets with their drinks. A rainbow flag waves from the window of one bar we pass. Another club has a torii gate painted in rainbow colors. The population is a mix of both locals and foreigners alike, and I catch snatches of English as we walk.

“Have you been anywhere in Ni-chome?” Raiden asks, looping his fingers through mine as we walk.

“I’ve tried a few of the cafes.”

“This neighborhood… it’s special to me.”

“Me, too. I felt like I was the only gay guy in the city until I came here.”

A bittersweet smile tugs at Raiden’s mouth. “I was real confused when I was in my early twenties. I knew I liked guys and girls, but I didn’t even know bisexuality was a word.”

Empathy makes me bump my shoulder against his. “That’s a lonely, scary feeling.”

Raiden frowns somberly. “I was sure I was the only person in the whole country who felt this way until I came here. I came all the way here to go to a gay bar for the first time, and I was too freaked out to even go in.” He scowls.

I squeeze his hand. “I get it. I felt the same way my first time at a gay bar.”

“I was so pissed at myself. But I came back another night, and some guy noticed me hanging around and offered to buy me a drink inside.” He tips his head back, gazing up into the sea of neon lights. “I was too shell-shocked to get his name. But we drank a lot. He gave me a blowjob in the alley, and that was that. Gave me the guts to start finally messing around with guys instead of just girls.”

I whistle. “Wow.” Raiden’s led an exciting life. “I think my first time with a guy was in a bathroom of a bar, and he threw up right after sucking me off. Not because I tasted bad or anything! He just had too much to drink.”

Raiden laughs beside me. “Don’t think I’ll have that problem.”

I trip over my own feet at the visual.

We stop outside a bar called Pixel. The bouncer lets us skip the line with a nod in Raiden’s direction, and in we go. The bar is packed, but there’s more seating up the stairs on a balcony overlooking the bustling dance floor. Strippers twirl and spin up and down the poles, their bare skin glistening with sweat and sparkling with glitter.

At the bar, we put away a couple of ice-cold Sapporo drafts between us.

Raiden asks, “What’s your favorite song?”

I drain the last gulp of my beer. “Uh… I have no idea?”

“Off the top of your head.”

“To dance to, or just to listen to, or—”

He groans. I’m lucky if I’m getting laid at all later. “Doesn’t matter. Whatever.”

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