Page 87 of Secrets & Sake

“Maybe you don’t see it like I do. I get it. I’ve known Raiden since we were kids,” Ren says, a fond smile breaking across her face. “I’ve seen Raiden at his best, and I’ve seen him at his absolute lowest. I’ve seen him hope and dream. He wanted to open a restaurant and take care of his mother. I’ve seen him cry because his parents left him when he was just a kid, and he never even knew why. I’ve seen him struggle, trapped in a life he never wanted. I’ve despaired over him because, for so long, I thought I was going to watch the person I care about the most die in this life, alone, afraid to trust. And then… then there was you, Jinta. And I have never seen him look at anyone the way he looks at you.”

Blinking fast, I try to look away, but Ren grabs my hand and holds tight. “What if I can’t be what he needs? He’s yakuza. I know he wants a normal life, but what if he doesn’t want it with me?”

Ren scoffs. “Can’t you see it? He loves you.”

My breath catches. “Really?”

Rolling her eyes, she says, “Yes! You can’t see it, but he’s scared, too, because he’s never loved anyone like he loves you. If Raiden, of all people, has given you his heart, he will never do anything to hurt you.”

I believe her. Even though a part of me is still scared, I know Raiden would never intentionally hurt me. I love him, and I need to make things right between us. If anyone deserves to know he’s loved, it’s Raiden.

I finally manage to smile as I scramble out of my chair. “Thanks, Ren. I’ll talk to him.”

Ren punches the air, almost spilling her coffee all over the table in her excitement. “Yes! Go get your man!”

The bell jingles as I rush out the door and onto the street. I swing one leg over my bike and start to peddle. I’m sure Raiden will be pissed at me, but I’ll grovel on my hands and knees to make things right. I let my brother ruin my last relationship and allowed my parents to talk down to me for years. I’m not letting them come between me and the man I love.

My legs start to burn as I peddle faster and faster. The parks and gardens of Chiyoda Ward blur around me as I ride, and before I know it, I’m biking along the Sumida River in Asakusa.

I’m almost there, and I have no idea what I’ll say or do. I just need Raiden to know that I’m sorry, that I was so stupid and scared, and that I love him.

I’ll tell him I want to be with him, come yakuza or werewolves or kitsune. I’ll tell him I’m done trying to earn my family’s approval. I’ll tell him from now on, he’s all that matters.

I arrive outside Raiden’s building and wheel my bike inside. The doorman recognizes me and smiles. “Here to see Noboru?”

“Yes,” I say panting, legs burning from all that peddling. “Is he here?”

A shake of the head. “I haven’t seen him since this morning.”

I’ll just have to wait until he comes back. Maybe he’s out on a job for Namikawa.

I take a seat in a plush velvet armchair and catch my breath. Should I text him and ask where he is? The indecision makes me hesitate as I pull out my phone, reading the last messages we exchanged before I fucked everything up.

Slowly, I type, erase, and rewrite my message.

Me: I’m so sorry about last night. Can we talk?

I send the message and try to distract myself by watching a video.

Ten minutes go by, and he doesn’t answer.

Not that I expected him to be jumping for joy to hear from me, but I’m disappointed anyway. Raiden’s probably just busy.

My phone buzzes in my hands, and I almost drop it.

Ren: Hey. Can you get in touch with Raiden?

My stomach twists nervously.

Me: No. Can you?

Ren: Do you think something’s happened?

The last couple of times we couldn’t reach him, he was being tortured by Namikawa and out abducting people. Shit…

I jump when someone calls me, but it isn’t Ren. It’s Hideyoshi. I wonder if he’s on the same train of thought as we are. Swiping, I answer, “Hideyoshi. Have you seen Raiden?”

“That is why I called you. Something has happened.”

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