Page 123 of Truck Off

By the time I pull into my driveway, I feel like a zombie. My eyes are puffy and red and my throat hurts. I’ve cried more in the past hour than I have in my entire life. Because I don’t cry. Life in the MC taught me to never show weakness, and tears are definitely weakness.

But after Chase left and I made it to my car, I couldn’t stop the tears from flowing. The image of a broken and hurt Chase is burned into my retina. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to forget that look.

He loves me, and I’m not sure if I can say it back. I’m not even sure I know how to love a man like Chase. He’s good and kind and funny and will stop everything just to help me. He doesn’t do it out of a sense of obligation. I get that now. He does it because he loves me.

Somehow that makes it so much worse.

I’d almost rather he does it because he wants something from me. Which just might be the stupidest thing I’ve ever thought, considering how much I’ve fought against that. But I know how to handle that scenario. My life trained me to deal with people who want things from me. No one ever showed me how to love and accept love.

Wiping my face dry yet again, I grab my purse and head inside. As soon as I step through the door, I startle at the sound of my best friend’s voice.

“It’s about time.” Jayla yells. “Where the hell have you been?”

I meet her gaze and deflate even more. She’s standing in the middle of my new living room with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes. She scans my face and then her shoulders sag.

“Well shit. It’s worse than I feared.” She rushes toward me and pulls me into an embrace. As soon as her arms are tight around me, I sob again.

I don’t know how long we stand there before I feel Dad’s hand pat me on the back. It’s a tentative pat like he doesn’t know how to respond to seeing me like this. In all my thirty years, I don’t think he’s ever seen me cry. Not even when Mom left. He’s probably just as confused by a crying Lina as I am.

“Shouldn’t you be at work?” I mumble into Jayla’s shoulder.

“Called in a personal leave day. Family emergency,” she says like this is the most normal thing she’s ever done.

I pull back to meet her gaze. “Is your mom okay? Lucy?”

She chuckles. “Yeah, they’re fine. The family emergency is you, dummy.”

“Me?” I feel my face wrinkle in confusion. “But I’m okay.”

She lifts a single brow, calling my bullshit with one look. “Tears, Lina. There are lots and lots of tears running down your face. That is not okay.”

“But—”

She lifts a hand before I can make up an excuse for why I’m fine. Jayla knows me better than that anyway.

“What happened with Chase?” she asks. Her tone is softer now. Almost like she’s afraid to ask because hearing his name will upset me more.

I tilt my head to the side and study her. “How did you know? It only just happened.”

She shrugs. “Small town gossip runs fast. Someone called Mom and then Mom called me. Now talk so we can fix this.” She waves her hand around my face like it’s broken. “I can’t handle seeing you cry. Do I have to bury him? Please tell me no because I always liked Chase. The world is a better place with his smile in it.”

I can’t help but chuckle at her declaration, which I’m sure is what she intended. “No. Chase didn’t do anything wrong.”

“Then why are you crying?”

I sigh. Normally I’m quick to tell my best friend everything, but I don’t want to talk about this. Not yet. Maybe I’d be able to hold off on this conversation if I wasn’t crying like a hurt little girl, but there’s not a chance in hell that she’ll let this go now.

I drop my head and rub my hands over my face. I blurt the reason out so fast I almost hope she doesn’t hear me. “Chase told me he loves me.”

All I hear is silence. Even the sound of their breathing stops. When I look up, both Jayla and Dad are staring at me in confusion.

“Um, okay,” Jayla says. “I don’t understand. Then why do you look like someone died?”

“Because I don’t know how to process this.” I yell. “People don’t love me. I’m the damaged daughter of an ex-MC member whose mom abandoned her, and the former president of the club tried to force into an arranged marriage. And not because he liked me—the person—he only wanted to marry me because I have a pretty face. That’s all anyone sees. And that made me hard. I’m not a lovable person.”

“Doll, that’s not true.” Dad steps up to me and takes me by the shoulders. “You are not a hard person. Guarded, sure, but not hard. You’re trapped in the past, and it’s time to let that go. How can you say you’re unlovable? You are so easy to love, and you love just as hard in return. You’re just scared, and that’s okay.”

“I’m terrified.” Even though I try to fight them, more tears run down my face. I quickly wipe them away. “I don’t know what to do. What if he decides I’m too much? I haven’t made this easy on him so far.”

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