Page 24 of Mixed Motives

“Can I talk with you?” Kerrigan asks me.

I’m feeling generous. “Sure.”

Kerrigan follows me outside into the lovely, sunshiny day. I’m not going to let him take away my own sunshiny mood. He kicks at the ground, then lifts his head and looks me in the eyes. “I wanted to apologize for cheating on you. It was a shit thing to do.”

Well. “While I wasn’t expecting an apology, I’ll take it,” I say. It does feel good to have him acknowledge that what he did wasn’t right. “What made you want to say that?”

“Ian cheated on me.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah. It sucks,” Kerrigan says. “I was selfish, and now I’m pretty ashamed about how badly I treated you, and”—he groans—“it just sucks. That’s all.”

“Okay. Well, thanks. I’m sorry you had to experience it, too. I guess … I’ve moved on.”

He snorts. “I can see that. It’s super weird that you’re with my dad, but I can see that you’re good for him. He’s happier. Less lonely. I’ve never seen him how he is right now.”

I can’t resist a small smile, and I feel warm inside. Because Keane is so affectionate with me, and I give all that affection back to him and then some. “I have to admit that I knew about Ian,” I say. “He and his new friend came to the B and B.”

“Hmm. Well. Shit.”

“Pretty much.”

Kerrigan nods a few times. “I guess going forward, I’m going to have more conversations about whether a relationship is exclusive or not. And make sure I’m on the same page with whoever I’m with. Because putting myself in your shoes—and now that it’s happened to me—it doesn’t feel so good.”

“There’s a lot that can be solved if you communicate ahead of time.”

Not too long after that, Kerrigan joins Keane and me at Keane’s house for dinner, and he brings a new boyfriend. The guy isn’t anything like me or Ian—he’s bigger and a little older. And he doesn’t seem to take any crap from Kerrigan.

That seems to be the best resolution of all. That Kerrigan found someone who sets appropriate boundaries.

After they leave, I kiss Keane and snuggle in for the night.

CHAPTER 10

KEANE

Six months later

I rest my hand on Henry’s spangled ass as we step into the San Francisco nightclub. SF may be chilly, but my boyfriend doesn’t seem to care—he’s wearing his short shorts and the leather harness he donned to walk up to my door all those months ago, trying to seduce me.

Little did he know I was already seduced.

While I’ve been in gay clubs before, I feel a bit out of place because I’m older than most of these young pups. Still, I was told that this was a good spot for a more comfortable crowd. Where the meat market was a little more mellow.

Even though people are dressed to the nines. Wolfey and Miles are here, too, and having my friend with me also helps me get over the age thing.

Henry holds my hand and leans up to kiss my cheek. I’m not sure I’m ever going to get used to this, but I wrap my arms around him and tug him close.

“Want to dance?” I say into his ear, over the beat of the music.

“Yes!” He grabs both of my hands and wiggles his ass backward into the crowd. I laugh and join in.

Henry makes me feel free. He makes me feel young. He has this weird idea that he’s showing me off tonight. But I’m showing him off, my handsome partner.

I’m in public, celebrating my love for my man.

We hold each other as we dance, and while the club is packed, I only have eyes for him. And he for me. After a bit, I stop even thinking about being too old or out of place. In the lights and shadows, feeling the loud music pulsate through my body, I feel like I belong. With my boyfriend, with my friends, and in this community.

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