Page 98 of Hate To Love You

But Holland hasn’t spotted us yet. He’s too busy talking to Mason and Patrick. Where is Ryker?

Is he okay? Is he with another girl? Did he decide I wasn’t what he wanted? Am I not good enough?

No, that can’t be what it is. He was just texting me about wanting to fuck me. He wouldn’t do that to me. Not after everything we’ve been through. Right?

I don’t like where my thoughts are going. I hate feeling insecure and questioning myself. I promised myself I’d never let a guy make me feel like this again, and here I am, at a party that’s supposed to be celebrating the end of the semester, worrying about Ryker and how he might be over me.

Taking a deep breath, I try to center myself. I take another sip of my seltzer and distract myself by watching Lainey and Teddy dance.

In my periphery, I watch Damian take a swig of his beer as he stares at something in the distance, or someone.

I follow his line of sight and land on Allie Moore, his partner from out literary criticism class. My eyes narrow as I look back at him.

“You like her, don’t you?” I ask, knowing he’ll most likely deny it. Damian hates talking about his feelings. He hasn’t had a girlfriend since high school, since Mikayla DeSantis broke his heart.

Damian was completely in love with the girl, and they dated for a while, but one day she decided she wasn’t ready for a serious relationship and broke up with him. The next day in school, she was walking hand and hand with Paul Hayes, the star of our high school’s hockey team.

He's sworn off relationship since then, only having casual hookups and one-night stands. I’ve tried to tell him that not all relationships end up that way, but he didn’t want to hear it.

But I haven’t seen him look at a girl this way since Mikayla.

Damian scoffs. “No?”

I raise my eyebrows, trying to hide the smirk that’s spreading on my lips.

“You totally do,” I say, and even in the dimly lit room, I can see his face turn bright red. “Aw, Damian. You have a crush!” I playfully slap his arm as he shakes his head and looks at me.

“I do not like her,” he lies through his teeth, causing me to roll my eyes. Why can’t he just admit he has feelings for her?

“Dude, you’ve been watching her all night. When she danced with Eric Kastle, you looked like you wanted to murder him. You like her.”

“Drop it, Gwen. Allie doesn’t even see me that way,” he says, and I swear he sounds disappointed. His shoulders stiffen and he stands up straighter.

“How do you know? Have you asked her?” I wonder.

“No, of course not. But she doesn’t look at me like she wants to fuck, so I know she isn’t interested,” he explains, shrugging his broad shoulders. I want to hit him.

“Just because she doesn’t look at you like she wants to jump your bones, doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you. Not everyone only thinks about sex, Damian. Go ask her out,” I urge.

“Ask who out?” Ellie chimes in. I didn’t even know she was listening. Damian sighs loudly, finishing off his beer.

I knew getting Damian to admit he has feelings for a girl would be like pulling teeth, but a small part of me was hoping that he’d break down a bit easier.

“He likes Allie Moore, but he won’t do anything about it,” I explain. Ellie jumps up and down with a squeal.

“Omg, I knew you had a heart. Go ask her. Allie is so sweet!” Ellie’s smiling face looks from Damian to Allie, who is dancing with a group of her friends. Her auburn hair looks dark under the dim light of the room, and I can see why Damian would like her. She seems like fun.

Damian rolls his eyes, and I can tell he’s breaking down. He looks back at me, his face softer and more vulnerable.

“Are you sure she’ll like me?” he asks, and my heart squeezes. That bitch Mikayla really messed him up. I hate her. The thought makes me want to find her and punch her in the face. Damian is too good, too pure to think that he’s not worth more than meaningless sex with random girls.

Placing my hands on both of his biceps, I look him right in the eye.

“Damian, you are by far one of the best guys I know, and you deserve someone just as amazing as you are. You deserve to be happy. If Allie doesn’t see it, someone else will. But I think Allie will feel the same way you do,” I assure him. “Just go ask her to dance. What’s the worst that can happen? She says no?”

Damian lets out a sarcastic laugh. “Exactly. That’s the worst thing that could happen. If she says no, I’ll have to find the nearest cliff to fling myself off of. I’d have to transfer schools,” he panics. I squeeze his arms.

“Stop. It’ll be fine. She’s not going to say no. Now go,” I order, pushing him toward the dancefloor. He gives me a death glare before turning around and hesitantly walking to Allie.

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