“Your what?” Despite having finished off the water, my throat went completely dry. I stared hard at his side profile, watching the muscle in his jaw clench as he remained silent. He definitely didn’t mean to say that.
“Thank you for the offer to help.” Robin gave a tight smile, her eyes darting between us. “I’ll holler if we need more hands but in the meantime, it seems like you two may need to talk some things out. Tavia, I’ll reach out later about Amy’s body?—”
“Leave her,” I said quickly. “I don’t want her disturbed down there. Not until I’m ready.”
“Of course.” Robin mistook my insistence for grief and hurried away. It wasn’t like I felt ready to explain Amy’s potential resurrection right then anyway. I couldn’t get the words my blood mate in Cyan’s voice out of my head.
“She’s right.” I turned to face him directly. “We should talk, shouldn’t we?”
I expected him to deny it. To shut down and deflect like he always did when we seemed to get close. I braced myself for it but in truth, I wasn’t afraid. Losing Amy was the most painful thing I’d ever endured. If she didn’t wake up, it would break me. By comparison, another rejection from this vampire was a papercut.
But to my utter shock, Cyan nodded and quietly agreed. “Yeah, we should.”
Not five minutes later, we were in the trailer that Amy and I had shared. He dwarfed the small space, gaze floating over our meager belongings like he was trying to find a subject in which to start this uncomfortable conversation.
Only a few seconds of tense silence passed before I couldn’t stand it any longer. “So is it true?”
Cyan’s throat bobbed with a swallow as his gaze settled on me. “Yeah, it’s true.”
Emotions thrashed inside me like winds in a storm. Grief. Heartache. Exhaustion. And now a boiling anger.
“Say it, then. I want you to tell me to my face.”
He looked calm. But he swallowed again and a vein pulsed in his temple. It was the kind of calm holding back something he didn’t want to let out.
“You’re my blood mate, Tavi. Only your blood nourishes and sustains me like no other ever has or will.”
I stared at him, incredulous. My rising anger crested at a height I’d never felt before, not even when I saw bullies shove Amy to the ground when we were children. At least that behavior was predictable.
For once I was pissed off on my own behalf. Because I had expected better from Cyan.
“Then why would you lie to me?” I went to sit on my bed but couldn’t sit still, so I returned to standing. But standing felt too close to him in this tiny mobile home, so I crossed my arms and tried to force the tears back. “We were in bed together and you just blew me off when I asked if we were blood mates. Why?” I began to shake from the effort of keeping it all together. “Did I…disappoint you?”
“Fucking Temkra, Tavi. No. Nothing could be further from the truth.” Cyan’s brow furrowed and some of that real, deep emotion shone through his eyes. “You could never disappoint me. I am awed by you. From the moment I first saw you, sacrificing yourself for Amy, I have been in awe of you. Your bravery, your strength, your dedication to those who matter to you.”
I hated that his words moved me, hated how the rawness and earnesty in voice made me want so badly to believe him. Even after he explicitly told me that I meant nothing, that I was just one blood sample on his variety platter.
But if I was his blood mate, everything else tasted foul to him now. How could this carefree vampire not be disappointed that his variety was gone?
I didn’t realize my tears had spilled over until I felt his thumbs on my cheeks. I jerked away, fighting the urge to lash out in anger. This vampire didn’t deserve my vulnerability. He’d exploited it enough.
“Please leave.” I turned away, wiping my face. “Call someone to pick you up before dawn. I don’t want to see you.”
“Tavi—”
“No. I’m done, Cyan. I tried and I just can’t, okay? Please go before the sun comes up.”
I went for the door but he was faster. He darted in front of me, all red eyes and predatory grace. His hands cupped my shoulders and before I could tell him off, he blurted, “I said those things because I don’t deserve a blood mate.”
The look on his face, raw, open, and even afraid, sank in before his words did. His calm, easy facade had fallen away, and I was staring into the face of an incredibly heartbroken man.
“It’s me that’s a disappointment, Tavi,” he choked out. “I will never, ever be worthy of you.”
This was a side of Cyan that I had never seen, except for one fleeting moment. Our conversation from that day in the kitchen replayed in my mind.
“I’m not a very good friend sometimes. I fuck up. I let people down. So if you don’t want to be friends with me, I would understand.”
Even then, he was trying to warn me away, trying to keep me from getting close.