Page 42 of Unlikely Guardian

Well, it was clear that Lilly wasn’t going to allow this to be a safe conversation. “Both.”

No amused smile that time. Instead, Lilly cleared her throat. “When did we start being so…honest with each other?”

Jason went to her. So they could keep their conversation soft and not wake Megan. Or at least, that’s the reason he gave himself for closing the already narrow distance between them. However, to stop himself from doing anything too stupid, he crammed his hands into his jeans’ pockets and promised himself that that’s where he’d keep them.

“You think we’re being honest?” he asked.

Caution flickered in her eyes. They were more blue today than green, and shimmered. “Probably not. It’s hard to have a momentous air-clearing that could lead to total honesty meltdown while people keep trying to kill us.” She paused. Frowned. “And there is an us in danger now. Thanks to me. Just call me Typhoid Lilly.”

“So you’re blaming yourself for some homicidal maniac shooting at us?” Jason asked.

“The gunman was aiming for me, and that’s what put you in danger.” Groaning and burying her face in her hands, she slid down and sat on the floor with her back against the front door. “I keep going over what happened. I keep kicking myself. Conditioned response—indeed. Go to my office to try to trigger some memories. And what happens? I nearly get you killed in the process.”

Jason waited a moment. “Are you finished beating yourself up?” He went closer, eased his hands from his pockets and stooped down so they were at eye level.

Lilly met him at that eye level when she lowered her hands from her face. And she ignored his question. “It wasn’t enough for me to be negligent in Greg’s death, but last night, I almost did the same to you.”

Jason didn’t like the sound of that. He waited another moment. “Now are you finished?”

“No. I’m just getting started.”

That pained look on her face intensified. It made him want to comfort her. But pulling her into his arms would mean touching her. And he knew for a fact that just wasn’t a good idea. Not with the fatigue and this dangerous energy between them.

Still, he couldn’t make himself turn away.

He couldn’t stop himself from listening.

And he couldn’t stop the ache he had for her.

Because this was forbidden. Taboo. And for some reason that only made him want her more.

“I replay the moments leading up to the shooting,” Lilly continued, obviously not willing to drop the subject. “I replay the moments before Greg walked out of my house. I keep thinking if I could just go back and change things—”

“You can’t.”

Lilly blinked and seemingly listened for answers he couldn’t give her. “But then how do I get past it, huh? How do you ever get to the point where you can forgive me? Where I can forgive myself?”

It was a question he’d asked himself at least a thousand times. “I don’t know,” he said honestly. “But I know blaming yourself won’t do any good.”

“Maybe not any good, but I don’t see how we can avoid it.” She raked her finger over her eyebrow. “And how do we get past this…stuff we’re feeling for each other?”

“That’s a fantastic question,” he mumbled.

“Do you have a fantastic answer?”

He shook his head and met her gaze. Not good. It only made him want to move closer to her, and he was already too close as it was. “Lilly, I don’t even have a bad answer. Truth is…I don’t have any kind of answer at all.”

“But you agree that feeling this way is wrong, that it’ll only make things more complicated?”

“I agree. Massive complications. And there’s that part about it causing us to lose focus while there’s all this danger around us.”

“Good point,” she conceded. She didn’t exactly sound thankful for his reminding her of that, either. Which was a good thing. Because Jason hoped the reminder would make her move away.

It sure as heck wasn’t working for him.

But she didn’t move. Lilly sat there, her attention fastened to him. She gave him no sultry come-on looks. No whispered invitations. No anything. Still, it happened. The air stirred between them. Everything stirred.

Especially his body.

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