Page 87 of Pages of Amber

“How is she?” Amber blurted as soon as she sat down. “Is she okay?”

“Easy there.” Dottie shushed, pulling her chair closer. She bracketed her arms around her, easing Amber’s head to her shoulders. “Let me hold you first. I’ve missed you so much.”

Her eyes fell shut, tears slipping past them. Poor Dottie. She couldn’t imagine what she and her mom must be putting Dottie through by placing her in the middle.

“How are you? You've lost some weight,” Dottie commented. “You haven’t been eating.”

“You can tell from squeezing me?” A small laugh escaped her.

“And the bones of your shoulder keep digging into me,” Dottie joked. She gave her another squeeze. “Your mama… she’s going through some things. We both know she’d been running from demons, but you made her face them. I say it’s about time.”

Amber sat up, meeting the older woman’s eyes in surprise. “But I shouldn’t have pushed her so hard. I’m the reason she’s like this. She said it.”

“Don’t listen to any of that.” Dottie palmed her cheek. “People say anything when it comes from a place of hurt. Your mom’s been swimming in pain for so many years that what she knows is bitterness. Grief turns a person into a shadow of themselves. I came into your home thinking I needed to keep your heads above water, to stop the both of you from sinking into despair. I was wrong. I should have made you face the truth. No matter how fast you run, grief will always be faster. Until you learn to beat it.”

“Is she beating it?”

Dottie smiled sadly. “She’s trying to. I saw a box of his old photographs in her room yesterday.”

“She has his pictures?” Amber gasped. “I thought she threw everything out. She wouldn't even let me talk about him.”

“Because the pain was all she knew. You kept his memory alive within you and in your greenhouse. You saw the light in the darkness. Your mom never looked for the light. I thought I could help her find it, but I failed.”

She grasped onto Dottie’s hand, unwilling to let her take the blame. “I failed her, too/ I gave up trying to help her. I wasn’t showing her the way, I was forcing her to see me, acknowledge me. I was thinking of myself when I should have been thinking of her.”

“That’s a lot to bear on your shoulders,” Dottie said. “You've dealt with more than someone your age should. You’ve fought these battles when you should have enjoyed your childhood and made fun memories as a teenager. I said it before and I’ll say it again. You are strong and incredible.” She patted Amber’s cheek. “But it’s time to move forward for yourself. It’s time to live for you. Not for anyone else.”

Where would she start from? What did living for herself even mean? She’d always moved in the direction her mom wanted, bent to her will when she wished and had done everything possible on a mission to keep her happy. Would she be able to separate that part of her from the one who wanted to be a normal teenager working toward her dream?

“What about my mom?”

“You leave her to me. I’m going to do what I should have done years ago. In the meantime, I brought you this.” Reaching into her bag, Dottie pulled out Amber’s phone. In her blind rush to leave home, she hadn’t taken a single thing with her. Dottie pulled out a bundle of papers and a familiar notebook that set her heart racing. “And this.”

Amber gaped at her literature analysis assignment, the one that had started it all. The title blurred as tears rushed forward. “My assignment. My journal.” She hugged the book to her chest. “Where did you find it?”

Dottie chuckled. “I’m a nosy old lady alone in a big house when you go to school. I hope you don’t mind that I read your other stories, too.”

Amber shook her head. It wasn’t like there was anything she could do about it now. Dottie leaned in. “My favorite is this one about the girl with the fading light and the boy who helped keep her aflame even though he’s living in the darkness. Does it have an ending? I’m dying to read it.”

A small smile curved her lips. She hadn’t known where the plot would lead when she started that story. Until Noah had discovered it at the bookstore. Their night at the meadow had inspired her more than he knew. Not only did she want to finish the book, but she would give it a happy ending.

Her smile widened at the realization that struck her. She didn’t have to search for a way to live for herself.

She’d had the answer in the palm of her hands all this time.

“Guess what?” Noah flopped onto the rug beside her. “I bumped into Mrs. Wilson at school. She asked about you and how you were feeling. Then, she told me to tell you that she and Principal Ellis want to see you after school tomorrow.”

A pit formed in her stomach. “What do you think it’s about?”

“No idea, but she was smiling so I took that as a good sign.” He shook his head. “Oh, I almost forgot. She asked that you bring along your assignment too. I’m hoping that means she’ll grade it for you.”

“You think?” Amber asked hesitantly. She’s had it in her mind that she might have to repeat the year. Or plead with the principal so she could re-sit the midterms and write her final exams in the summer, when everyone else would be celebrating heading off to college. “I don’t think I can salvage my school work after everything I missed.”

“No bad thoughts.” Noah tipped her chin. “We’ll hope for the best and plan for the worst. It’ll be fine.”

Amber wanted to believe him. Leaning against his shoulder, she remembered she also had news to share.

“Guess what?”

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