Page 83 of Pages of Amber

It had been too late.

Her father was dead.

Her mother had lost her husband.

Amber’s knees hit the ground. The impact was dull compared to the one in her heart. She had killed her father. He would have been here with them this entire time but instead she hadn’t cared for the one thing he needed to make him live. It was all her fault. She had pushed her mother away, broken her heart, stolen the light from her life with her own hands. She had been the one to break her family.

“I…I didn’t. Mom, please. I didn’t mean to.” The words stuttered out, hindered by the harsh tears streaming down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me. I didn’t mean to do this to our family.”

She clung to her mom’s hand but she shook Amber away, her eyes brimming with the truth of her hatred.

“You don’t deserve it.” Her mother spat. “You don’t deserve forgiveness. I wanted to punish you for what you stole from me. I wanted you to suffer in the very thing you loved so much that you didn’t care for the risk on his life. You should have been condemned to ballet forever.”

“Mom, please. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t touch me.” Her hands pushed at Amber’s shoulders, separating them even further. Dottie held her mom back but Amber was already sprawled on the floor. “Leave me. I have no daughter.”

Her words rang with a finality that caved Amber’s chest. The final straw that broke her heart. Her mother stormed away, her steps quick and unsteady, as though she couldn’t wait to leave Amber behind.

“Mom, please. Come back. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” Arms wrapped around her shoulders as endless pleas fell from her lips. They echoed in the mausoleum they called home, hanging in the empty space her mother had left. This was the pain she had put her mother through. The overwhelming grief she carried all these years. No wonder she had lost her joy to smile, her will to love. Her anger, her sorrow, her pain had been the walls around her and Amber had never noticed. She’d failed her mom again.

It must have killed her mom inside every time she saw Amber in a costume, ready for the stage. Her daughter dressed in the same devil’s apparel she had on the night she had stolen her father’s chance at life. Tears poured from Amber at the thought. No wonder her mom couldn’t love her. How could she love herself?

“It’s okay, dear. It’s going to be okay. Hush now.” Dottie tried to console her despite the sobs breaking her words. Her arms held onto Amber but she pushed away. She didn’t deserve it. Her mom was right. She didn’t deserve love or forgiveness.

It was her fault.

On hands and knees, Amber crawled across the tiles, deaf to Dottie calling out to her. She needed to leave. There was no place for her here. There had never been. She’d shut and locked the door to her mom’s heart the day her dad had passed. The dream she held onto of a happy family was nothing more than a mirage. Foolish and wasted hope.

She had done this.

It was her fault.

Amber didn’t recall leaving the house. One moment she was stumbling to her feet and the next she was out on the pavement. The night enveloped her the further she staggered. An unusual chill whipped through the night, biting at Amber’s exposed skin. Even the weather had turned against her.

She walked for what felt like forever, her eyes unseeing the path before her and bare feet dragging along the road. The houses changed, cars went by and the birds cawed their night call. She was blind and deaf to it until a sharp rock pierced into her skin, nearly tripping her.

Exhausted, Amber blinked and found herself standing before a familiar home. The three-bedroom single-family home was cozy, lit up with warmth from the inside out. She envied that. It was that warmth she’d craved more than anything.

Her thighs burned as she crossed the empty street. Adrenaline gone, Amber began to feel the effects of walking here. The air blew across her face, reminding her of the tear tracks. She must have looked like a mess. Her feet paused on the porch steps. Would they turn her away? Would they hate her and push her out as her mom had? She would likely deserve it if they did. She seemed to cause problems wherever she went. They wouldn’t want a bad omen like her hovering around her family.

She needed to walk away. She needed to leave them alone. Her feet did the opposite. Her hand rose into the air. A mirthless laugh left her at the motions.

Beverly had been right. Her mother too. She was a selfish brat. How many more times did it need to be said before she realized it?

The doorbell went off with a ding.

Footsteps drew closer to the door.

It swung open.

Noah stood there, his hand on the doorknob. His eyes widened as they raked over her, from her hair to face to her shoeless feet. A tear escaped her eye.

He took a shaky step towards her. “Amber?”

Her knees buckled and she fell, collapsing into his arms and a darker pit below where what waited was guilt, grief and her broken dreams.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

---