Page 79 of Pages of Amber

The tears that slipped from her eyes were no longer those of embarrassment or sadness. She twisted in his arms, her arms wrapping around him and digging into his shirt.

“I can hardly save myself. I kept running from the truth, denying myself of everything I wanted to make everyone else happy. I was scared I’d end up dragging you down with me. I was so stupid to push you away.”

Noah hugged her tighter. “No more apologizing, Amber. I forgave you the moment I closed the door behind me.”

She would continue to wonder how she had ever misconstrued this boy with the kindest heart for someone cold and uncaring. A few moments later, she sighed and dropped her hands. “We should go in. We left in the middle of dinner.” She took his hand and intertwined it with his like he was her lifeline.

He withdrew reluctantly, his hands running through her loose hair, combing the locks from her shoulder. “You ready to do this? For real this time. It’s you and me, m’lady.”

She smiled, nervousness coursing through her. It was strange how light she felt. They wouldn’t be walking in there alone. They had each other. There wasn’t anything better than that.

“You and me, always.”

“My father used to be a lecturer. He passed when I was a little girl, but I remember how eager he was to learn everything he could about the history of things, the origin of them, the You have that same thirst for knowledge he did. I’m sorry I didn’t see it earlier.”

Mrs. Rhodes wiped her eyes over her son’s shoulder. She’d met them at the entrance where she’d drawn her son in for a hug. Behind her, Noah’s dad and brother looked equally as remorseful.

“It broke my heart to hear you say you couldn’t understand what was wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with you, Noah. You are my son and I love you. I’m sorry I made you think you couldn’t talk to me about any of this. I can’t imagine how long you carried this burden.”

“I’m sorry, too.” Noah sunk into his mother despite the slight height difference. She couldn’t see his face but she hoped it was as content as his voice portrayed. “I’m sorry for pushing you out when you were trying to understand. I made myself unreachable and that wasn’t fair to you.”

“The blame is on us, son,” Mr. Rhodes spoke. He stepped closer to his family, laying a hand on Noah’s shoulder. “I pushed for my selfish reasons. I wanted to make you into your brother and I when you are unique on your own. How long have I been so blind?”

His mom gave him some distance as they waited for his answer. Come on, Noah, she silently cheered him on.

“I didn’t want to be student body president but you were so adamant about it that I had to give in. I focused hard on my studies, I became valedictorian, and I got the position. But it was never truly mine. Everywhere I went, I was reminded that I was less popular, less helpful, less friendly than Ronan. It took so long to become indifferent to it, but every now and then, it feels like everyone played favorites and I lost.” He looked up at his brother. “That’s why I stopped picking your calls when you went off to college. You were gone but no one forgot you, both at school and at home. I didn’t get to earn my spotlight. It felt like I was constantly living in yours. It made me resent you and because of me, we drifted apart. I’m so sorry.”

“We’re the ones that should be sorry.” Mr. Rhodes blinked heavily. “I’m sorry for being so tough on you when you didn’t deserve it. I didn’t see the battles you faced. I was careless with your feelings and scarred you in the process.”

“You father and I don’t have favorites. We love our children equally and immeasurably. For you to feel that way, we failed you. We’re so sorry.”

“I took it hard when you shut me out.” Ronan nudged forward, his voice somber as he stared at his brother. “We used to do everything together, and I fooled myself into thinking things would fix themselves when I should have looked for a deeper meaning. I’m so sorry for making you feel less than. In truth, I felt jealous of you.”

Noah jerked back. “What?”

Ronan’s lips tipped up. “You have the perfect grades, amazing friends who would do anything for you and you’re so certain and sure. I could never sit still to get the right instructions. It’s why I sat for my final exam twice in high school.”

“You told me you got a job that summer.”

“Well, I couldn’t tell my little bro the truth. I thought you’d never look at me the same knowing I’d failed when you aced all your exams every time.”

“Because I wanted to be like you. People praised you for doing it the right way that I thought it would be the same for me if I followed your footsteps. I wanted to show everyone I could be as good as you.”

“But you never needed to, Noah. All you needed to be was yourself.”

“He’s right.” Mrs. Rhodes sniffled. “You are unique for the things you love and who you are, not the person you are trying to emulate. No one is without their faults. You were both growing into young men who needed guidance. As your parents, we were supposed to provide. We’re so sorry for not being there for you.”

“Amber gave a convincing speech.” It jolted her to hear her name mentioned by Mr. Rhodes. “She was right. It’s time I stopped controlling your life for you. But your mother and I will always be here for anything you need. We love you and we want the best for you. It’s okay if our best isn’t aligned with what will bring out your best. You have a choice, and we’ll be cheering for you all the way.”

“Thanks, Dad. Thanks, Mom.” Ronan broke into a smile, rushing for Noah. “Now come on, it’s been a long time since I hugged my brother.”

The happy atmosphere had returned, even if it filled the entryway and not the dining room. It was the people within a house that made it a home. And these special people had made a wonderful one.

Amber wiped at the stream of tears on her face, feeling lucky that she was privy to such a beautiful moment. Would it be so hard for her and her mom to set aside their differences and replicate this moment. She hadn’t hugged her mom in six years, for crying out loud.

“You know,” Noah spoke up from the family huddle. “Amber gave me the courage to open up to you. I would have continued to suffer in silence if not for her.”

Her eyes widened. What was he saying? He was the brave one. He’d faced his fears and told them his dream. He’d confronted his pain. He was the real winner tonight.

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