Page 75 of Pages of Amber

She stumbled for words. “You can’t just forgive me. I don’t deserve it. I never should’ve said what I did. I never should’ve hurt you. It’s all my fault–”

“You don’t get to decide that,” Noah cut her off, his voice tight with anger. A muscle jerked in his jaw as he glared at her. Amber stilled, her heart pounding. “You owned up to your fault, but everyone has their choice and I made mine from the moment I walked out of the nurse’s office. You don’t have to condemn yourself for every mistake and stop saying you don’t deserve forgiveness. We make mistakes and we learn from them. We earn our second chance. It’s okay to be flawed, Amber.”

It’s okay to be flawed.

His words crashed against her like a wave on a dry shore, washing Amber of her bitterness, her sadness, her fear of losing him. It carried away a bit of her self-hatred too, leaving her feeling a lot lighter.

Noah had forgiven her. Just like that. She hadn’t needed to cry or beg or bleed or work herself dead. He had simply forgiven her because he had seen the lies in her words, the fake venom she had tried to spew to stop him from seeing more of the mess she was. He’d seen all of it, and he wasn’t judging her for any of it.

“What are you thinking, Amber?”

The call of her name from his lips pierced her heart. His hand grasped hers, his warmth enveloping her. Noah had moved from the end of the aisle, bridging the gap between them. Amber sobbed at the feel of her hand in his. She thought she would never feel it again.

When she was able to talk around her tears, she stammered out, “I-I have to ma-make it up to you. I have to. You’re too good for me, Noah. You’re too–”

“Shh.” He braced his forehead against hers. His free hand came up to her cheeks, slowly wiping at the evidence of her misery and relief. If he continued to be gentle with her, she would sink into his arms forever. His voice was soft, the words between them as he said, “It’s time to start being good to yourself. It’s time to see yourself the way everyone sees you.”

A shaky gasp left her. Her hand came up, grasping his wrist near her cheek, as though pulling him closer. She wanted to savor this moment with him. There wasn’t anywhere she’d rather be, even if it was in the middle of the Mystery aisle at Hidden Gems. As long as she was with Noah, she didn’t care.

A thought speared her mind. Was this love? This overwhelming sense of comfort and acceptance and warmth that he clouded her in. Was this the feeling she had searched for all these years to fill the ache in her?

She didn’t know for sure. But if it was, she wasn’t eager to escape it any time soon.

She was wrapped up in his arms, her head tucked in his neck, her hands grasping his slung over her shoulder. She was in a Noah bubble and she never wanted to leave.

The jerk of the taxi brought in reality. They were on the street leading up to Noah’s home to drop him off. After leaving the bookstore, they’d called a cab and got in where Noah had explained that his older brother was in town and using the truck for a few days. Amber was glad it gave her an excuse to snuggle Noah.

The car ride came to a stop a little too quickly. Noah untangled himself, a matching look of discontent on his face that she knew was clear on hers. She had never felt this clingy with anyone before.

“I gotta go,” Noah muttered, his brows pulled low.

Amber nodded, unable to say anything past the rock in her throat. He read her easily, though. Leaning forward, he pressed a kiss to her forehead and stepped out. He stepped towards the front window to pay the fare when she came to herself.

“Tell your mom I said hi!” she blurted.

Her lip pinched between her teeth when Noah stilled, his hand hovering on the door. Did he not want her talking about his mom? Was he still mad at her? She hated the insecurity that plagued her even after everything they’d shared at Hidden Gems. Where was the former confident Amber?

Noah paid the driver and his head ducked back at her door, dark locks flopping over his eyes. The small smile on his face sent a wave of relief over her.

“I think she’d love it more if it came from you. Why don’t you come in?”

Her palms slicked immediately. “Wait, what? I don’t have to come in. You’ve probably had enough of me. I’ll leave you to your space.”

“Amber.” His name fell firmly from his lips, cutting off her rambling. It rubbed her the wrong way to hear Noah say her name. His gaze was steady when it met hers. “I want you here. I like you everywhere in my space. So, come in.”

The sigh that left Amber was a swoon mixed with deep relief. Taking his hand, she hauled herself out of the backseat, stepping right into Noah’s arms. His left arm wrapped around her, while the other shut the door and waved off the driver.

“I’ll come, but only if you call me m’lady again,” she whispered.

When he looked down at her, Amber’s heart soared at the boyish smile stamped onto his face. The one he reserved for his friends, the one he’d begun to frequently show to the world. The one she loved the most because it meant he was happy.

He leaned in, his breath ghosting the tendrils of her hair.

“You’ve got yourself a deal, m’lady.”

“You’re here! It’s so good to see you again!” Mrs. Rhodes squealed. “Ronan, come meet our guest,” she yelled up the stairs as she ushered Amber towards the open-plan living room left of the staircase. “Noah, can you get Amber a glass of orange juice?”

“Yes, mom,” He drawled, his eyes catching Amber’s over his mom’s shoulder. He gave Amber an exaggerated pout that made her giggle.

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