Page 56 of Pages of Amber

Her fingers went to her own scarf. She tucked it up like he’d done his and offered it to him. “Can’t leave you without one, right?”

Their eyes met, finding each other in the meadow illuminated by the stars. Noah sat up, his hand slowly grasping the scarf. Their fingers brushed as the material left her hand, stealing her breath for the second time that evening. She pulled off her shoes, put her purse to the side and laid back. The sky stretched on and on, the night air filled with the music of chirping crickets and tree branches dancing in the breeze.

It was magical.

“You’re right. This is better.”

A short laugh left Noah before he fell silent. The atmosphere around them felt serene, peaceful, tranquil. Amber was sad to break it but she had to ask.

“How did you find this place?”

Noah was silent for a minute. “I was driving around a year ago. My brother was back for the weekend but the house felt stifling with him there. Listening to how he and my dad got along like I wasn’t right there, it burned. So I left. I’d been driving for hours when I stopped to clear my mind. I turned off the truck for a minute and the stars, they were amazing. I got down to see them more clearly and that was it. I couldn’t resist coming back every once in a while.”

She understood. She wouldn’t mind coming here again if she could. Her thoughts clouded as she tried to frame her next question delicately. “You don’t like to talk about your brother. It’s obvious you aren’t on good terms. What happened?”

Noah sighed. “It wasn’t anything Ronan did. It isn’t his fault he’s good at everything he does. It just hurts to be constantly compared to him. To always live in his shadow.”

“Your dad does that?” Her chest ached at the thought.

“Unfortunately.” His eyes fell shut for a few seconds. “Sometimes I think he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it. He’s proud of his first son and he wants everyone to know that. But it feels like his second son will never be as good if he doesn’t do it exactly like his brother did.” He sighed, the sound rattling from his chest. “It gets tiring, you know. For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived in Ronan’s shadow. He was interested in sports and I’m not, he was Redmington’s best president and I can’t even hold on to the position. It’s hard to be myself, to do what I want when Ronan cracked the code for success and I’m expected to fall in line.”

His voice was low but the heaviness in his voice was easy to hear. The circles under his eyes were easy to see. He’d been carrying these burdens for so long. Had anyone really seen him? Had he ever let anyone this far in? Her chest squeezed further as she watched his profile. A heavy silence passed between them. People liked to think teenagers had it easy. They focused on their studies and made their parents happy. But how could one continue to please others even to their own detriment? She had done it for years, and still had no answer to the mystery.

“What do you want, Noah?” her voice was soft, almost a whisper.

He didn’t answer. Instead he asked, “Your story. When did you start writing it?”

Amber blinked at the change of topic. With a swallow, she decided she could open up about her deepest secret when Noah had done the same with his.

“Last year. The inspiration out of the blue. I can’t remember how. Most of my stories are like that. I have a thought and there’s suddenly a burning desire to write it down. So, I did. It became a whole new world in my notebook, with characters I know like the back of my hand. Writing comes easy for me. It’s like with every stroke of my hand across the page, I feel a little lighter inside.”

He was watching her now. His head turned over, dark hair falling over darker brows. “You love doing it,” he realized.

She swallowed. “Yes.”

“Why do you dance then? If you don’t like it?”

It wasn’t that she didn’t like dancing. It was complicated.

Amber tried to ease the knot in her chest enough to answer him. “I like dancing. I do. There’s a certain freedom in dance. An escape,” she paused, her voice becoming timid. “It’s just that sometimes it feels like I’m dancing in the dark. I’m stumbling and unsure and scared to get anything wrong because I know she’ll be disappointed. I can always picture my mom’s face. She’s never smiling at me, never acknowledging me. She’s stone cold.”

She danced because she liked to. But she also danced because it was expected of her. She danced because it was all she had known for so long. Because she hoped that one day it would be enough to earn her mother’s love.

“I don’t want her to stay that way,” Amber continued. “I want my mom back. Happy, loving, smiling. So, I do what she says. I do whatever she wants just hoping that one day, she comes back to me.”

Her fingers threaded over her stomach, clutching hard onto each other as she bared the truth, the doubts, the hurt she had never let anyone see. Every day, she was sunshine Amber. She was all smiles and rainbows, happiness and light. But at times when she was alone in her head and in her heart, her doubts and worries sprung to the surface. She’d never had anyone to lay it out to, not even Beverly and Lexi. She wondered if Noah had ever let his friends in, but a feeling in her said he hadn't either.

His answer was as quiet as her question. “I want to be free to choose my own path. I want my parents to understand that, to see me for me. I don’t want to be a lawyer like my dad and Ronan. I want to study literature, discover a world of art and read as many books as I want to. I’d love nothing more than to achieve that.”

The smile that curled around her face spread warmth deep into her. “I like that. You’d be good at it. It suits you.”

“I think so too.” His head turned to her, as he watched her side profile. “What about you? What do you dream about?”

Her smile dimmed. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, when your eyes are closed and your mind is free to wander, where do you go?”

Her brows furrowed, her eyes darting across the sea of stars as she tried to answer. “I’ve never let my mind wander. I love writing and sometimes, I think about doing it more. But those thoughts don’t last. Not when I’m always present, always focused, always busy.”

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