“I’m having twins,” I clarified before Cole could confuse her further.
“Twins?” Stunned, Dad dropped his hands. “There haven't been twins in our family for fifty years.”
“I always did like being a trailblazer.” I laughed to cover the surge of embarrassment when Ethan shot me a look with eyebrows raised. The look that asked if I’d meant everything I said in the bedroom earlier. I’d meant every word. I would unleash that dark side of him and let it carry me away. Between all three of them, I had a bright future full of love and orgasms.
What about my book? I chewed on my lower lip and took a step back. Carrie bounded into Dad’s arms, hugging him like they were the ones pregnant.
“Will you give them rhyming names? Oh, my goodness, I saw the cutest outfits the other day. You have to tell me as soon as you know what you’re having.” Carrie carried excitement with her around the room. She stopped herself from hugging my men, but she did clasp their hands and bounce on the balls of her feet. “You all should have come to us sooner. It’s not nice to throw all of this on us at the same time.” She spun toward me. “I understand, though. You had a lot to process.”
I’d never heard truer words. “Thank you.” I fought down the tears. One of these days I’d give in to the emotions going crazy because of pregnancy hormones. If I’d ever earned the right to cry, it was now. Still, I hesitated. Once I started, I might not be able to stop.
Dad and Carrie stood side to side, their arms around each other and both smiling though maybe not as bright and vividly as they could.
Tension corded David’s shoulders. His hands worked, opening and closing in tandem with his breaths. He wanted an answer. I knew him well enough by now to understand the look of frustration wrinkling his forehead.
Leaving Dad and Carrie, I hooked my arm around his elbow. “Let’s go outside.” I led him to the back yard. Dad’s neighbors were nosy as fuck, which was why I’d wanted to have the conversation inside. But this between me and David didn’t need an audience. Even Cole and Ethan remained behind, Ethan giving me a supportive wink on my way out.
The screened in porch gave us some protection from the sun and the neighbors. I closed the door behind us and faced David.
“If you’re going to say no, do it and get it over with.” Gruff, almost terrifyingly guttural, his fear took over his voice.
Carrie’s flowers framed him from behind. The hanging baskets created a colorful background in complete contrast with my bleak emotions.
“I don’t want to say no.” I dared to put my arms around his neck. He stood rigid as a light pole for several seconds before he lowered his head. “I’m not in the right frame of mind to make a clear-headed decision, David. I’m emotional and scared to death.”
“Scared of what?” His hands went around my waist and palmed the small of my back.
That touch calmed me unlike anything else. “We’ve already had so many changes. We’re all running on adrenaline.” I stood on tiptoes and kissed his cheek. “I want to marry you, but I can’t say yes. Not today.”
He stood with me without saying a word as time slipped away, each heartbeat pushing and pulling us in equal measure.
“It was a bad time to propose.” He rubbed the side of his nose along mine. “I let my emotions get the better of me.” The wry, self-deprecating laugh tightened my arms around his neck.
“I’m glad you did. There’s nothing wrong with getting carried away in the moment. I want to say yes. I love you. I’ll always love you.” I tangled my hands in his hair, scraping my nails over his scalp. “But when I agree to marry you, it will be when we have already cleaned up the mess I’ve made of our relationship.” My fake smile emerged.
David shook his head. “Don’t do that. Don’t blame yourself for all this. We’re in it together. Always.”
Cole and Ethan stepped out onto the porch. “So, we’re not getting married?” Cole asked.
David released me. He’d calmed my fears, but my denial still sat between us, another hurdle to overcome. “No. We’re not getting married. Rebecca doesn’t think I’m sincere.”
Not yet, I wanted to say. But if they needed that reassurance, then we had more problems than I’d accounted for.
Cole and Ethan pressed their lips into matching flat lines.
I rubbed at my temples and the headache threatening there. “I’d like to go home.”
Dad and Carrie met us in the foyer. I hugged them both. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Call me when you have your next appointment. I want to know all about it.” Carrie rocked me from side to side like she used to when I was a kid. “We’re here for you. Call anytime.”
Was that supposed to be a warning? I was too tired to analyze every word. Cole, David, and Ethan were holding themselves apart from my parents, and even during the drive home, I felt the distance between us widening. We barely spoke through the whole drive, and by the time we reached my apartment, the headache had turned into a nauseating pain that thundered across my entire head.
David turned off the engine while Cole helped me from the car and Ethan jogged ahead of us and unlocked the door. They worked in a seamless rhythm, taking care of everything without saying a word.
Stepping into the calm quiet of my own home with the lights off brought an instant comfort.
“What do you need?” David asked from near the kitchen. Despite his annoyance, he still took care of me. They all did. I’d driven a wedge between us by turning David down. I prayed they’d see it my way once everyone calmed down and could think rationally again.