Page 56 of Classroom Confessions

All I saw was black and gray, blobs of static and shapes that meant nothing.

“No gender today. We’ll take measurements if we can and see how far along you are since you’re uncertain about your last period.” Dr. Patricia patted my knee with her free hand. “Don’t you worry. Things will get easier after this first appointment.”

I wanted to believe her.

Her lips puckered, and she tapped a series of keys on the machine, freezing the picture.

“What?” I knew that look. I’d seen it too often in Carrie’s face.

“What’s wrong?” Cole’s hand tightened on mine, and he leaned over me to get a better look.

Dr. Patricia reached beneath the machine and pulled out two brown paper bags like what they used to give us at school when we had picnic lunches. “Breathe into this if you feel like you’re going to hyperventilate.”

“What? Why?” My chest tightened, and a clammy sweat popped out on my forehead.

She smiled and tapped the screen. “Nothing is wrong, but you need to take a deep breath and prepare yourselves.”

I squeezed Cole’s hand so tightly my fingers tingled. “Tell us.”

Her smile widened, and she made two circles on the screen, drawing a pair of red circles. “You see this? And this?”

Cole and I nodded. I could not have spoken for a million dollars. A nervous inkling latched onto me at the same time Dr. Patricia held up two fingers.

“You’re having twins.”

27

ETHAN

If I kept up with the pacing, I’d wear a hole in the floor by midnight. I tunneled a hand through my hair and let out a frustrated growl that vibrated my chest. “Fuck.” My coffee cup sat empty on the counter, and I tried to blame my racing heart on the jolts of caffeine. It didn’t work.

I swiped up the cup and carried it to the kitchen. “What’s the matter with you?” I stared at my reflection in the window over the sink. It faced the street, giving me a view of the driveway and the city in the distance. Jealousy tightened my hands into fists. I tried to breathe through the surge of emotion, but it caught me by the throat and threatened to strangle me right then and there.

I’m pregnant. Rebecca’s quiet voice filtered through my mind, the words no less impactful now than they had been that day. I’d worked through my classes in a daze today as I waited.

One more hour. I checked the clock to confirm and rolled my head from side to side. I’d already gone for a run, lifted weights, and flipped through every streaming service in hopes of distracting myself.

Rebecca was pregnant… with another man’s child. Jealousy surged again, and my grip on the cup turned bruising. I tamped down the urge to throw it against the wall just so see it shatter, to see some evidence of my turmoil in physical form.

There was no way the baby could be mine. Rebecca and I had sex only days before she found out. That wasn’t enough time for a test to show up positive. I’d checked. I placed the cup in the dishwasher and pried my fingers off the cool ceramic.

With that done, I headed back to the living room and resumed pacing. It was the only thing that helped. I spun around in front of the bookcase, right in front of a picture of me, Cole, and David on our last summer break. We’d rented a cabin and gone skiing. Our faces were windburned and our smiles bright. We’d loved every minute we spent together. Who knew that a year later we’d be here, tangled up in a relationship with the same woman? It was more than unlikely. We’d never even considered anything like this before.

When Rebecca admitted to her pregnancy, I’d seen the whole relationship crumble. David and Cole would find out one of them was the father and they’d start a genuine, typical, monogamous relationship. It was what made the most sense. Fuck if that was what I wanted.

Being with Rebecca was the best thing that had happened to me. I’d have given it up if that were what she wanted, what she needed, but she’d clung to all of us. I’d almost been too stunned to function, my mind spinning out possible scenarios so fast that I struggled to string more than a few words together in any coherent fashion. I wasn’t meant to be a father. I’d given up on that idea a long time ago.

It flared to life again now as I picked up the picture and carried it with me to the couch.

David passed by the front windows and threw a hand up in greeting. I motioned that the door was unlocked and hurried to put the picture away. Seeing me carry it around like a psycho would invite too many questions.

“Any news yet?” David entered without knocking and kicked off his shoes.

I scoffed. “Course not. Cole wanted us to wait and discuss everything in person.”

“Yeah, he told me the same.” David flushed to the roots of his hair. “I tried to call him. He barked a curse at me and told me to be fucking patient and that they’d be here soon.” He sat on the edge of the couch but popped right back up. “Got anything to drink?”

“Fridge.” I pointed over my shoulder. “Get what you want. Liquor’s in the cabinet.”

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