Page 60 of Cocky Tech God

Lucia

I wanted to be with Hansen more than anything, I knew he wanted to be with me. But he didn’t know I couldn’t give him the crop of kids he’d mentioned to me more than once. This was something he really wanted with his whole heart. No question. I had to tell him the truth. The thought made me nauseous.

He’d been gone for an hour, and I was still in the room working with my team on the security breach. Still nothing worked. Hopelessness began to settle in with the last check-in with my team. I immediately called Mia.

“Hey,” she answered, her voice was hoarse and lethargic. I knew they’d been working around the clock.

“Not even close?” I waited for another code check-in into the code repository from my iPad. “Has Ryan refreshed the simulation?”

“He’s doing that right now.”

“I just got some more bad news, Luce.” Mia hesitated, and my anxiety skyrocketed.

“As if we need more of that.” I sighed, lifting my free fingers to my suddenly pounding head.

“We lost a customer. They aren’t renewing their contract with us at the end of their term.”

I dropped the phone. My whole world spun, and I wanted more than anything to wake up from this nightmare. From a distance, Mia’s tiny voice called my name until I picked up the phone and pressed it to my ear again, trying with more strength than I had to not cry, to not scream at the top of my lungs. The guilt took me by the throat. I hadn’t come clean to Mia about why I had my phone off for a good part of the day while I was out enjoying myself on the sailboat, leaving my staff to deal with our first major crisis.

“Which client?” My voice was strong, hiding my weakness inside. I was so good at doing that.

“Fi-Copia,” she said. “They have sixty more days.”

Okay, sixty days was a decent amount of time. At least it wasn’t six days. We needed the revenue to make payroll.

“How’s the pitching going at the conference?” Mia asked.

There it was again. Guilt was heavy in my bones about taking the time away from the conference to explore a relationship I’d started with Hansen. I’d messed up. I could have done more, but I didn’t.

“Not as well as I’d hoped.” I glanced down to my nude flats—the ones that still killed my feet. “I should go down to the bar, people network there until well past midnight.”

“Okay. I will also do some cold calling. But you know, Luce, we need to fix this breach, or else companies will worry that we can’t offer the security we promised.”

“I know.” My voice was a pained whisper. “I gotta go. Keep me posted on everything, and I’ll do the same. I promise.”

Half an hour later, the elevator doors were open when I arrived. I wasn’t alone, though. Two women I hadn’t seen in workshops, but knew they were attendees by their nametags, were giggling in the elevator, their hands pressed against their mouths.

“He must be shagging someone, yeah? It’s his tradition, isn’t it.” The buxom blonde said, her British accent heavy.

My stomach somersaulted. Though they didn’t say who they were talking about, I knew. Hansen.

“But who, though? I don’t think it’s you-know-who again. She’s not that lucky to have him two conferences in a row.” The brunette bit her bottom lip.

“She’s such a cow. I’m keen to get a new job,” the blonde said. “Besides, she has the baby now.”

They were talking about Calista. I zeroed in on her name tag. Imogen Walker, NuvaTech Assistant Proposals Manager. My knees almost buckled. I was pissed. More pissed than I wanted to admit to. I leaned up against the wall of the elevator to stay upright. This was not what I needed right now when I was trying to save my company and not think about what I would do with my relationship with Hansen.

In a lowered voice, the brunette said, “O.M.G. Do you think the baby is his?”

“It’s not his,” I said, furious. But I didn’t know at who or why. “And I don’t think it’s a good look to gossip. Do you?”

The women gaped at me, the expression on their faces less than gracious. The universe threw me a bone, because the elevator doors opened then, and I stepped out before either had a chance to move a muscle or say a word.

Why had I entertained this? I couldn’t deal with the gossip about Hansen. And how was I supposed to continue with him when I clearly had proven to myself that I didn’t know how to manage work and a budding relationship at the same time, much less a full-on committed relationship? I was focusing on one and neglecting the other. Despite how much I wanted to move forward with Hansen, that wasn’t fair. Too many things were already stacked against us, and I didn’t have the know-how to manage it.

Before I knew it, I’d walked to the bar and was again among many attendees who wanted to network as well. Focus, Lucia. My brain still roiled with Hansen and what had happened in the elevator. I needed to shut that down. I used to be so good at it, but this time was proving to be difficult.

I took in a deep breath and reminded myself what I was doing. I needed to meet people with the intention of closing them as a client, and I needed to do it in a way that showed I was confident my software was amazing. Before I arrived on the island, I thought I had the best software in the cybersecurity space. Now, I thought the opposite.

---