Page 95 of Mine to Worship

“I want to frame it just like this.”

It seems important to him, his eyes pleading, and I nod. I can use this to create an actual painting.

He sinks to his knees, and I would have never expected such a strong physical and emotional reaction. His glassy eyes find mine. “You look happy here, and you looked at me as if you loved me, even then.”

I drop to my knees next to him and confess, “I never stopped loving you, not for a second, even when it hurt, and your name alone whispered in the night gutted me. Pretending helped me to accept that it was okay to love you, but gave me a rope to hold on to in case we messed up again. I realized what a fool I was. I could do many things, but not loving you is not something I can do.”

The space between us fills with love. Still, doubts scrape at the outer layers. Love is also about learning to live with doubts, and accepting fears, but not letting them control you. As if he knows where my thoughts had gone, he says, “Life is a gigantic what if! But let’s see where this leads us, when we love each other openly, without a safety net, all on the table, with all the risks. I promise you the best version of myself. I promised you once, this is my second time, and I will honor them both. I love you, angel, you’re the woman of my dreams, my world. I will fight for us, and for our love. I want us to grow old together, and I want a life with no regrets. Not loving you, and not having you would be my biggest regret. Let me love you, be at your side, listen to your fears and support you in your dreams. Let us have the family we both want.”

By the end of his declaration, he is a bit breathless. I put my hand on his thumping heart, while he grabs my other one.

“My heart is yours. From the beginning, you smashed any rationality, and I never wanted to be braver and bolder. Living life in fear is not a life at all. Loving you took me out of my comfort zone, coaxed me to come out and play, be wild and uninhibited. I knew the moment my eyes found yours, that soul mates existed. Love heals, challenges you to be a better person, pushes you to make room for the other. I promise to love you, to fight at your side when the shadows of your past cloud you, to make you feel my love day in and day out, to stand at your side and trust in you. I believe in us, and I want to work with you side-by-side toward our happy ending, but let’s begin with a happy start.”

I’m panting by the end of my speech. We seal our promises with a passionate, heart-binding kiss. I open my eyes and two pools of gray swallow me up, keeping my heart captive.

“This place feels more like home than the penthouse,” I whisper under my breath as I look around and pack. Tomorrow, we are driving back to Las Vegas.

Kian is crouched down in the walk-in closet, folding up my maternity clothes, and he picks up the pregnancy pillow that made me feel so much better.

“This, too?” he asks, scrunching his nose at the long, bulky pillow.

“I think I’ll use this pillow even after she is here.”

“This whole squishy Wall of China kind of thing will disappear,” he says, his dimples dipping in his cheeks, while I grin.

“Jealous?”

“It has been between your legs more than I have.”

“Ohh poor baby, that’s what you get for knocking me up.”

“This, too?”

I suppress a smile at him lifting my yellow dress.

“What do you think?”

“If you promise me to never wear it,” he says.

“But it’s so comfy.”

“Seeing you in it made me think of a nun. I don’t need that image in my head when I am thinking of bending you over.”

I burst into laughter, and I snatch it from him and hug it to my chest.

“Don’t listen to him, you’re a very comfortable dress.”

“Now you’re talking to it? We’ll never get rid of it, will we?”

He knows it will stick with us. I put it in the suitcase and kiss Kian’s cheek.

“You’re such an understanding husband.”

“Is it a good image you’re showing your daughter?”

“What? That I can wrap her daddy around my little finger?” I say, arching a brow playfully.

“Angel, it would be the fucking truth.”

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