Page 40 of Mine to Worship

Inside, my mouth waters at the various scents permeating the air. I never loved him more than in this moment when he orders.

“A bit of everything,” he tells the waiter.

I dig into the grilled cheese and olives. When I finish my meal, I eye his. He pushes his plate toward me, and I eat the calamari, swiping a fry through tzatziki sauce.

I take a sip of water and pat my full stomach.

“You should order something for yourself. I kind of ate your food, too.”

“I am fine. You need it more than me.” His caring undoes me, the sincerity palpable in every word he utters. I lean over the table and press my lips to his.

When I fall back in my chair, he cocks his head, a smug expression on his face.

“All it takes for a kiss is dinner then?”

I close my eyes, afraid he’ll recognize all the love I suppress.

He orders something else, and I end up eating half of that plate, too. I hide my face behind my hands, sighing.

“I’ll end up fat and with a baby that will only weigh around seven pounds if it’s like you.”

He lifts my hands to his lips, and his eyes peer into mine.

“Twenty or sixty pounds, it’s irrelevant. What matters is you two are healthy. It’s been a rough pregnancy so far. I doubt you will gain even half of that with all the throwing up you’ve been doing.

“I ate an entire menu. I am sure they will need to stock up after we leave.”

He suppresses laughter and shakes his head. “Stop exaggerating.”

My foot bounces on the floor, and I avoid his gaze. Insecurity pours out of my mouth.

“You won’t look at me the same,” I whisper.

His eyebrows furrow, his upper body bows over the table. He brushes his knuckles against my cheeks, his eyes peering into mine.

“You carry my child. There is no woman more beautiful to me than you.”

If this is pretend, I don’t ever want it to end. Kian kisses my forehead, the tip of my nose, and then my lips. My heart holds to his caring gestures like he’s the one responsible for my heartbeats.

He pays the bill and I grab a book from the bag. I skim through the page until I am dizzy.

“Stop the car, please.” I close my eyes and fight the wave of nausea.

He curses and steers the car to the right onto the side of the road. When he stops the engine, I open the door and stumble out, emptying the contents of my stomach. He crouches next to me, gathering my hair in his hand to keep it out of my face and caressing my back. When my stomach calms, I sit on the ground. Kian wets a napkin and dabs at my mouth and tips the bottle to my lips and I take a sip of water.

“Babies are so little and fragile. How am I going to keep it alive?”

He pulls me to his side.

“Angel––”

“No, you don’t understand, what if I am going to be the worst mother ever?”

He cups my chin and tilts my face to him.

“Stop it. No one ever learns how to be a parent before becoming one. We’re going to make mistakes, but with you as its mother, he or she has already won in life.”

I grip his shirt and drag him to me, our noses brushing.

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