Page 30 of Mine to Worship

I wish his words wouldn’t affect me like they do.

“That makes it even worse.”

He jumps to his feet and puts his hand to his chest. “I fucked up, but why don’t you take responsibility for the fact that it took two of us to mess this up? I am drowning here. You keep punishing me for not knowing better. I hurt you, and I can’t change that. Yes, I misled you, but I never cheated on you. But I fucking hurt, too.”

I pull myself up in a sitting position, square my shoulder and tip my chin up. “I take responsibility.”

“Yeah? How?” he taunts me.

His breaths are heaving, his shoulders stiff to the point it must be unbearable, but he is right. It’s unfair of me to make him feel guilty, but accepting that means I’d have to admit he deserves a second chance. He might have my body a puppet to his will, but he won’t have me as a whole. The moment I forgive him, what then? I’ll lose myself in him and open myself up for another heartbreak.

“We need a break,” I announce.

His eyes blaze with incredulity, his body coiled up. I sense with every fiber of my body that I pushed him too hard.

Jaw tight, he says, “A break it is then.”

My heart weighs in my chest like a truckload of stones. He storms through the door, leaving me blinking.

Chapter 14

Kian

I remember the distinct sound of cracking ribs, the endless nights my body used to be the entertainment factor for Richard’s illegal fighting circle. I never knew any paternal love. The seldom moments my supposed mother showed me her love were to make sure I didn’t open my mouth and tell Walter. Jillian was fucking good at manipulating me, but again, I was a starved for love kid. And when I escaped one hell, I landed on the streets and fought for my survival in another.

Yet, nothing has hurt like Ellia needing a break. The pain spreads through my insides, like cancerous cells that kill me slowly and painfully. I get in my car and ponder what to do to prove to her how much I love her. She wants a break; she’ll get it, even though it fucking kills me. I pick up my cell and call my lawyer. I’d do whatever it takes to show her there is nothing I wouldn’t do for her.

“Andrew, I need divorce papers.” If that doesn’t show her I’m willing to do the impossible, then I don’t know. Reyeses marry for life. I don’t fucking care about the money, I have enough, but losing my inheritance means losing the shares of the company and without those shares I can’t throw Richard from the board. I’ll find another way. Revenge means nothing compared to losing Ellia.

“For whom?”

“For me,” I say and hang up.

Back in Las Vegas, inside my penthouse, with my hands shoved in my pants pockets, I stare at the strip coming to life with artificial lights. My playground, the city of lights illuminating the darkness that finally knocked me out.

I massage the throbbing in my temples. Thoughts of Ellia barge in my head and I call her aunt for the third time since I left. How long of a break does she need? A day, two, three?

“Did she eat? How is she?”

“Kian… what happened?”

Where to start? I fucking took her light out. At my silence, Esther says, “She had a cracker and some tea but she nibbled more.”

That’s not enough. I slap a hand on the window, looking at the monster staring back at me. Everything is my fault. Why would she want me next to her? Does she think my baby will be like me? I hope she’s like her, pure sunshine. Her hurt equates with my demons tearing me apart. I hope they fucking beat me once and for all. I don’t deserve happiness.

“Thank you.”

I end the call quickly. Nothing is more important than her and the baby growing inside her.

My cell rings with the incoming call from Kendrick. I sigh and press it to my ear.

“Melanie has completely lost control. How am I supposed to fix this?”

“You are her friend, too.”

“Yes, well, I tried.”

“And Jason?”

---