Page 14 of Mine to Worship

Does he also think of that night? I shake my head. “Why does it matter?”

His eyes bore into mine. “I have always used condoms before you. It’s not that I didn’t know what I was doing, I just… I wanted…” he stammers. He wanted this, me bound to him irreversibly. “It’s the only way I thought would make you stay.”

Another truth. Now he opens up, when all I want is for him to say nothing. Must be one of those legendary ironies of life.

“Your love would have made me stay,” I whisper.

He has the audacity to look hurt before lowering his face to mine. “I know that. I’m sorry I had to learn that by losing you first, angel.”

I tuck my hands in my lap and say, “You hurt me, and I will never forgive you.”

Kian slams his hand on his chest. “Your words hurt me, too.”

“Nothing happened,” I admit and it’s a relief so potent, I can breathe better.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Accusation burns in his eyes, and I dig my finger in his chest.

“You started it.”

“Stop saying that, because it’s not true. I didn’t sleep with anyone.” His hand curls around my finger and my brows shoot up.

“Melanie. I saw you.”

“What did you see? Even after I saw you and Brandon together, I still couldn’t fuck her,” he says with sincerity.

I yank my hand away, and through thorns pricking my vocal cords, I say, “She was, she was on top of you…” I think back and gasp, slumping back on the bed. I allow my mind to replay that memory. She was wearing a bra and he was dressed, his arms at the side, completely disengaged. “You did it on purpose, so I would think that…”

“She asked me to sleep with her because it would tear us apart, but I didn’t. I couldn’t, and, for the first time in my life, I broke a promise. Even then, I was loyal to you, to my fucking heart, worshipping you. I promised Melanie once she could ask anything of me, but losing you was the one thing I couldn’t do.”

“You and your blondes,” I huff.

He grinds his jaw and he runs a hand through his hair. “Stop being jealous of fucking blondes. I have never loved one… I…” He slams his mouth shut and grips the bed railing, his knuckles whitening from the strain. “I never cheated. I fucking despise cheating. I am not Richard or Walter. Am I a good man? I doubt it, but I’d never been in a relationship before, and with you, I didn’t want an open one. I wanted you for myself and when I expect loyalty, that’s what I am giving back. I just wanted you, all of you, to be mine.”

My heart flip-flops at his unequivocal response. I believe him, but it’s too late.

“What about that night?”

“Do you really think I could fuck you as if you were a random someone when you’re my everything? I wanted to break our connection, but it didn’t work, did it? I couldn’t keep up the farce.”

“It doesn’t change anything,” I remain steadfast. “I want a divorce.”

He cups my face and rests his forehead on mine. “Never. I will get you back, I promise you that. I won’t lose you, nor will I be separated from my baby.”

I jerk my chin in defiance, stubbornness embedded in every cell of my body. “I don’t care. I can’t be with you anymore. I won’t.”

His eyes burrow into mine, his stubbornness matching mine. “Then you never loved me.” He throws the words I once said to him back at me.

Is this how he feels? Trapped and angry, because love should be liberating, not restraining? But in our case, it’s the latter.

“We’re not good for each other,” I say in a sad voice.

He shakes his head and interlinks our fingers. “We are, we just made some mistakes. We’ll have a lifetime of learning.”

Him opening, showing me his vulnerability weakens my resolve. His lips find mine. A featherlight kiss that makes my heart flutter. He turns my body against me with one simple touch.

I feed him my sigh, and he says above my lips, “You’re pregnant with my child, and you ask me to set you free? I couldn’t before, when I fought the images of you and Brandon together, but now that I know the truth... it’s impossible. Give me a chance to prove to you that I can be the man you need.”

He tucks a strand of hair behind my ear, his gaze, infused with raw feelings, trailing on every inch of my face.

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