Page 144 of Mine to Worship

“Yes, I would think so or we would all be a one-kid family.”

After our friends and my parents leave, Dr. Lopez comes to check on us and informs us our baby is perfectly healthy.

She tells us we should abstain from any sexual contact for the next six weeks, to give everything down there a chance to get back to normal.

We leave the hospital after two days with Kira, as a family, a trio of love and utter happiness. Kian said we need this day alone, so no one is allowed to interrupt our first day alone with our baby.

When we enter our home, no nurses, no doctors, no one around us, both of us dip our heads and stare at her while Kira sleeps.

We have it all under control, I repeat to myself, hoping I will start to believe it.

“Baby, one moment. I’ll be right back,” I say, forcing a lightness to my words that I don’t feel. I get into the bathroom and slide down the back of the door.

“Don’t freak out! Everything is fine,” I whisper to myself.

I splash some water on my face and try to smile.

When I return, I see it in Kian’s as well, in all its glory, how it rises from deep within him, the mother of all breakdowns.

“I’ll contact my lawyers. This is not normal. How the fuck did they let us leave the hospital? How are we supposed to keep her alive?” He looks at me, points at our daughter, and adds, “Don’t unpack, we’re going back.”

I take his hand in mine. “We’ll be fine.”

His body ripples with doubt. “How do you know that?”

“I just do, trust me. If our species survived this long, we can do this, too.”

We high five each other at the end of the first day, the biggest grins on our faces as we climb into bed, gazing at the ceiling.

“We did it.”

“I told you,” he says with a brow arched in confidence.

I burst into laughter, falling asleep spooned into his chest. Crying pierces my sleep and on autopilot, we shoot up in bed. I pick up Kira from the crib next to my side of the bed. I lift my shirt, and put her on my breast.

“Angel, don’t fall asleep.”

“I’m just resting my eyes.” I mumble, and he chuckles. It’s Kian who picks her up once she’s fed and places her back in the crib. Teamwork at its finest and my eyelids close even before my head finds the pillow.

The next day, when our friends come to visit, we are in our pajamas, messy hair, and spots of milk on us.

“They make it seem so glamorous on TV, like you pop it out and your life is still the same,” Aubrey says.

“And it’s just the second day,” Jason adds.

“We can hear you. We are sitting right here.” Kian drags a hand down his face.

“He sounds exhausted,” Aubrey says, sympathy etched in her eyes.

“Is this normal? How long do babies sleep? Have you checked on her?” Jason asks, a line digging in his forehead.

“Out,” Kian tells everyone.

“You’re doing great, you two,” Tara says.

Kendrick nods in reassurance and gives us a thumbs up.

“Have you heard from Brandon?” I ask Kian later as I put Kira to my breast for her second feeding of the day.

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