Page 38 of Little Rabbit

I’m going to hate myself for all of this later, but right now, I don’t care. The same thoughts keep swirling inside my head. That my life is over. Everything I’ve ever wanted, everything I’ve ever dreamed of, is gone. That I’m alone. For the first time in my life, I don’t have anyone around me that I can fully rely on or trust. I can’t call my parents, Rori, or any of my friends, no one. I’m at the mercy of strangers who expect obedience to rules they won’t explain. It’s like I can feel the bars of my cell getting smaller every moment, despite being in a huge-ass castle, surrounded by things that most would only dream of.

I startle when I feel Alessio slip into the tub behind me, pulling me into his arms and onto his lap, and then he starts to rock me gently. I’m so shocked my sobs slow. I hiccup, cries still leaking out of me as I turn my head into his shoulder, my arms clinging to him of their own volition. Like I need him to anchor me.

I don’t know how long I cry for, but I know it’s long enough that the water cools. Alessio adds more warm water, content to stay in here for a while longer. I vaguely hear him murmuring to me, crooning and soothing me, though I can’t make it out. But it helps to settle me until finally, my sobs stop completely, and I can only sink into him, closing my eyes and feeling so utterly exhausted that I don’t want to move. I just want to sleep and pretend none of this is real.

Alessio doesn’t move, just presses soft kisses to the top of my head, and murmurs something to me in Italian that I can’t make out, but it sounds pretty. And maybe, just for a few minutes, I need some pretty words.

Eventually, I can’t sit in the silence and I whisper, “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for, cara mia,” he murmurs, pressing a gentle kiss to my jawline. “I, on the other hand, have a lot to apologize for.” He lets out a deep sigh, and I can hear so much in it that my heart clenches. Regret, guilt, resignation, and even a little bit of pain. Even with everything, I don’t think I’ve heard anything like that from him before. I swipe at my face and nose, then look up at him and see him watching me. “I’m sorry, Sienna. You’re right about everything that you said. I haven’t been fair, and only focused on what I wanted, not considering what that meant for you. What that required you to give up. And for everything I’ve said to scare you into complying. My only excuse is that the thought of losing you makes me insane.”

“I don’t get that. I don’t understand how you can feel so strongly when you don’t know me. You know what a file says, or what you’ve been able to stalk your way into seeing. But none of that is enough for you to decide that you want me forever. You have no idea if I’m going to annoy you with every little thing I do, like how I eat, or how I sing, or any of the other mundane day-to-day stuff. And I’m not going to know if I’m going to lose my mind because you constantly leave the toilet seat up, or leave your clothes all over the place. Or, I don’t know, that you like to wear women’s underwear so you feel pretty.”

He snorts out a laugh. “I can assure you I don’t wear women’s underwear, cara mia. Especially when they look so much better on you.” Then he sobers. “I’m not sure how to explain it to you. I just know. Maybe it’s that I’ve seen and been with many different women over the years, that I know what I want in a woman of my own and I can see that in you. You call to something deep inside me, and ever since I saw your picture and read your file, it’s like you’ve had your claws into me and every time I’m around you, you dig them in deeper.”

“All from a picture and a few crazy interactions? Are you sure you’re not confusing lust for something else?”

He shrugs. “Maybe a bit, but for the most part, no.” He pauses, looking away for a moment before he finally looks back at me, his gaze intense. My heart pounds a bit harder in my chest, but I can’t look away from him. Then he continues, “It’s also partly because with you, I can be myself and I don’t have to play the role I’ve always had to play.”

“Role?” I repeat, confused.

He nods. “I’ve always been the kind to fool around, or tease and joke. Not because that’s who I am, but who I had to become. If we need someone to side with us, I’ve discovered that going in and being charming is far easier at times and gets better results than coming in as a hard assed underboss. Or if there was a woman with information that we needed, it helped us to get it. Eventually, it got to the point where that was who I was expected to be all the time. Including with my family, until finally it just became known that I liked to joke, tease, and instigate shit.”

“Is that why you call Nico Boo Bear?” I ask after a moment. “Because you wanted to charm him?”

Alessio chuckles. “No, that was to piss him the fuck off, and it works every fucking time. Now it’s just something I do to get a little pleasure out of the fact that I can get under his skin so easily and piss him off so quickly.”

“He might shoot you for that one day.”

“Nah. Nico wouldn’t want to harm our alliance, and Gia likes me. It would make her very upset with him.”

I let him see my skepticism but let it drop. “So then, who is the real Alessio Caruso? And why is that part of you so obsessed with me?”

He sobers at my questions. “The real Alessio Caruso is a mixture of them both at this point, I suppose. Though lately, especially with this situation, it’s leaning more toward the darker side of me than the lighter. I do enjoy being charming or instigating shit and having a good time, but underneath, I’m as dark as any other mafia man, if not more. When I’m with you, I want to devour you, I want to possess you, and I want to control you. I want to own every part of you. Every thought, every desire, every hatred, and everything you love. I’m bossy, controlling, and every time you sass me, I want to fuck that pretty mouth and then your pussy until all that sass is quieted for a while. And every time you run from me, I want to chase you down, pin you, and fuck you just like I did in the condo and then again at that fucker’s villa. And then when I’m all done, I want to carry you away and take care of you.”

My mouth falls open at his words. Holy shit. How the hell am I supposed to continue on after that? I can feel it hitting me deep and making my core burn, but I push that way down, because I can’t allow myself to be distracted right now. This is far too important a conversation for sex to get in the way. “And the real Alessio Caruso is like that with only me, or am I just the lucky one this time?”.

“I’ve never felt this way for a woman in my life, Sienna. I’ve lusted after women, sure, but it was light-hearted. Nothing like the passion and dark cravings I get whenever I’m around you. I’m starting to understand why Nico is the way he is with Gia.”

I frown at that. “Gia said something about Nico kidnapping her. I haven’t processed that completely yet, but I’m not sure I like how that turned out.”

“It’s more common than you think. I know a few different people who have done the same, though I suppose some of it was different. A friend of mine met a woman and kidnapped her that night. Now they’re married with a baby and another on the way, and they’re ridiculously happy. It helps that she’s known him for most of her life, and she knows what kind of man he is. Still, all of that to say that it happens here and elsewhere. Gia and Nico are a bit of an extreme situation, given the circumstances and how things have turned out since then, but when I first met Gia, I asked her if she was safe and if she was happy, or if she wanted me to help her get out.”

Sienna nods slowly. “Yeah, she said something about how you knew she knew sign language or something. How did you know that, considering you never met her, and from what I understand, there wasn’t much known about her?”

Alessio smirks. “That’s my own little secret, coniglietto, but I was able to find out plenty about my betrothed once we accepted the marriage contract from your brother. Though, knowing what I do now, I should have been suspicious that he wouldn’t give me much information on her, instead insisting I meet her first. Anyway, when she told me that she was fine, I wasn’t all that sure, and when we travelled to New York and I met her, I gave her another chance to leave. I offered to bring her here, without marrying me, or if she felt safer, I’d have married her. Though now, I’m grateful as hell that I didn’t.” He gives me a pointed look that I ignore. “When she refused and I saw the two of them together, I realized that he really cares for her. The protectiveness you see? That’s what I feel for you. Anytime I suggested that she leave, the man was like a rabid dog, ready to maim and kill anyone that tried to take her away.”

“So you’re saying that I don’t need to worry about her?”

“She’s perfectly safe, and she also knows that she can always call us and we’ll get to her as fast as possible. Not to mention, Sofia is with her as Nico’s housekeeper, and that woman would gut him if he ever did anything to hurt her.”

I smile softly. “Yeah, I already got that feeling. Alright, well, I won’t worry about her then.” Then I frown and straighten as a memory returns to me. I pin him with a hard look and ask, “Sofia and Gia told me earlier there is no contract for my hand, and that the contract between you and the De Lucas is null and void because you rejected Gia. So what’s all this bullshit about how I’ve been promised to you and you need to fulfil that contract with me?”

He doesn’t even have the gall to look repentant. He just shrugs and replies nonchalantly, “It was the easiest way to goad you, and I have every intention of marrying you. If you thought it was part of a contract, fine.”

I stare at him. I want to scream and rage at him again, but I’m too fucking tired, and my already strained mind knows I can’t handle it tonight. “I’m not going to get into that right now, but we’re going to come back to that at some point.” He nods and thankfully lets it go. I sigh and drop my head back down onto his chest, weary as hell. I notice that the water is cool again, and say, “We need to get out. It’s cold in here.”

Without another word, Alessio helps me to my feet, pulls the plug on the tub, and then helps me out. He grabs a warm towel from the heated towel rack—a luxury I’ve never truly appreciated before— and wraps one around me before briskly drying himself off. I watch him for a moment, again amazed at the man in front of me. I might be confused as hell, but I can appreciate just how gorgeous he is. He keeps himself in excellent shape, and the tattoos that decorate his skin give him an edgy, bad-guy vibe that make me want to drool.

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