Page 100 of Pucking Amazing

I swallow hard, trying to find my voice. “I’m fine,” I rasp unconvincingly.

Coach studies me for a long moment, his gaze knowing. “You’re not fine, Syd. And that’s okay. This was an intense night.”

He pats me on the shoulder and stands back up. “How about you take yourself home, get some rest?”

I nod numbly, grateful for the out. I need to escape this room, these accusing stares, my own self-loathing thoughts. Gathering my things with shaking hands, I slip out, avoiding eye contact with anyone.

The cold night air slaps me in the face as I exit the arena, bracing and sobering. I gulp it in, trying to clear my head. Fishing out my phone, I debate calling DJ or Tyler, updating them on where I am, everything that’s happened.

But I keep hearing the echo of that word in my head, in Paul’s voice. Mikey’s.

Slut.

My fingers open up the rideshare app and call a car almost before I know what I’m doing.

I just need to go home.

I stumble into my dark apartment, kicking off my heels and shucking my purse onto the entry table. Exhaustion weighs on me like a fifty-pound barbell as I drag myself to the couch and collapse onto the soft cushions.

What a clusterfuck of a day.

My stomach churns with anxiety and bitter regret. I know what I need to do, but god, it’s gonna hurt like a bitch. With shaking hands, I pull out my phone. DJ and Tyler’s faces smile up at me from the lock screen—a silly selfie we took not long ago, laughing and carefree.

Shit, I can’t back out now.

Taking a deep breath, I tap on DJ’s contact and hold the phone to my ear. Voicemail.

I swallow hard.

“Hey DJ...I’m sorry to leave this as a message but...I think I need to take a break from you and Ty. With everything going on with the team, I just...I need to focus 100% on work right now.”

Tears prick at my eyes but I blink them back.

“You and Ty both mean so much to me, you know that. But I can’t give my all if I’m...distracted. You deserve better. I’m so sorry.”

The goodbye tastes bitter on my tongue as I end the call. One down, one to go. This time, the tears fall freely as I listen to Tyler’s outgoing message.

“Ty...god, I don’t even know what to say.” A humorless laugh escapes me. “You and DJ...you’re everything I never knew I needed. But the team has to come first right now. I fucked up by not being there today.”

I angrily swipe at my damp cheeks.

“Just...take care of each other, okay? I’ll miss you both so damn much.”

I end the call and hurl my phone across the room. It bounces harmlessly on the rug. Pulling my knees to my chest, I bury my face and let the sobs come, my shoulders shaking with the intensity of my grief.

It’s the right thing to do. It has to be.

Then why does it feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest? I cry until my throat is raw and my eyes burn. Emotionally spent, I uncurl my aching body and stumble to the bedroom, not even bothering to undress before collapsing onto the bed.

Tomorrow I’ll focus on fixing this mess with the team.

Tonight...tonight I’ll let myself mourn the loss of the two best things that ever happened to me.

CHAPTER 35

DJ

I grit my teeth as I take another lap around the ice at practice, trying to ignore the twinges of pain shooting through my knee with every stride.

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