Page 81 of Pucking Amazing

Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god.

Sobs burn my throat as hot tears finally spill over, smearing my mascara.

How could he treat me like that? Call me those vile things? I search my spinning thoughts, trying to pinpoint where I went wrong, how I failed him as a therapist.

The glazed look in his eyes, the slurring...he had to be high or drunk or both. And I couldn’t get through to him, couldn’t do my damn job.

Failure.

The word pulses in my head like a migraine.

Whore. Failure. Slut. Worthless.

It’s too much. I need to get out of here, away from this place that suddenly feels tainted.

Grabbing my purse with numb fingers, I stumble out to my car, not even bothering to lock up behind me. Sobs wrack my body the whole drive home until I’m hiccupping and snotty.

Pathetic.

The first thing I do when I get to my apartment is peel off my clothes and jump in a scalding shower, trying to wash the shame from my skin. It doesn’t work. Afterwards, I pull on my fuzziest plaid pajamas and crawl onto the couch, queuing up some brainless reality show on my laptop.

I need to disappear for a while, to forget the sting of Mikey’s accusations and the ruins of my self-worth scattered at my feet.

Hours later I’m crumpled on the couch, the screen of my laptop frozen where I’ve paused the episode of a vapid luxury real estate show, unable to focus on the drama. My eyes are puffy and sore from crying, my throat raw.

Mikey’s cruel words keep echoing in my head, an endless, taunting loop.

The sound of the door opening and footsteps walking inside makes me jump, my heart leaping into my throat. Oh god, is Selena back with her latest date? I can’t handle making small talk tonight.

I sink farther into the couch and tug the blanket up over my head, hoping they’ll just pass me by in the dark.

“Syd? Why are you hiding here in the dark?”

Embarrassed, I lower the blanket to see Selena and Emma settling down onto the couch on either side of me, their faces etched with concern.

“I’m fine,” I choke out, pushing the hair out of my face and sitting up straighter. “Just a rough day at work, that’s all.”

Emma raises an eyebrow. “Bullshit. What’s going on?”

I shake my head, clamping my mouth shut as more tears threaten to fall. I can’t burden them with this.

But Selena reaches out and squeezes my hand. “Syd, come on. It’s us. We’re here for you, no matter what.”

Her gentle touch breaks my resolve. The words start pouring out of me like a waterfall.

“It’s Mikey. That asshole rookie I told you about. He...he called me a slut today. And a whore. Somehow he knows about me and DJ and Tyler, I guess.”

Emma sucks in a sharp breath, her eyes narrowing. “He did not.”

I nod miserably. “It was so humiliating. And it brought up all this shit from—from what happened with Paul.”

Selena’s jaw tightens at the mention of my douchebag ex. “That fucker. I swear, if I ever see him again?—”

“It’s not even about him,” I interject. “Not really. It’s just...god, maybe Mikey’s right. Maybe I am a slut for being with the guys. Maybe I’m not cut out for this job if I can’t even keep my hands off the hockey players. And not even just one of them!”

“Listen to me,” Emma says fiercely, leaning in. “There is nothing wrong with loving multiple people. I would know.” She smirks, lightening the mood. “Dating pro athletes isn’t easy, trust me. Everyone thinks they get to have an opinion on your sex life. But screw them.”

“Damn straight,” Selena chimes in. “You’re amazing at what you do, Syd. What happened with Paul...that kind of shit messes you up. It takes time to heal. Be patient with yourself. Don’t let some little drunk prick make you doubt yourself.”

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