Page 59 of Pucking Amazing

Guilt crashes over me in unrelenting waves.

Oh god, what have I done?

Tyler trusted me, opened up to me about his feelings for DJ. The thought of him finding out about me and DJ, seeing it as the ultimate betrayal...it makes me physically ill.

“I...I have to go,” I stammer, scrambling to my feet and fumbling for my clothes from last night. “I just remembered...an appointment. I totally forgot.”

DJ frowns, rising to follow me to the door as I pull my cotton dress over my head with an unsteady jerk.

“Now? Are you sure?” He reaches for my hand but I yank it away.

“No, I really need to go. I’m sorry. This was...I shouldn’t have...” The words stick in my throat. I flee for the door.

“Sydney, wait!” DJ calls after me, his voice laced with confusion. “Did I say something wrong? What’s going on?”

But I’m already out the door, blinking back the hot tears pricking at my eyes. As I race down the hall, a silent vow echoes in my mind: Never again.

I’ll never let myself be so weak, so selfish again. DJ and Tyler both deserve better than this.

Better than me.

I try to sneak into the apartment quietly, hoping Selena is either still asleep or already on her way to work, but of course her voice rings out from the living room as soon as the door clicks shut.

“Well, well, well, look what the cat dragged in!” She’s sprawled on the couch in her favorite pink pajamas, a huge bowl of Lucky Charms balanced on her lap. The TV is paused on the opening credits of a housewives reality show. “And where have you been?”

I wince, guilt chewing at my insides. I was really hoping to avoid this conversation.

What kind of sister does that make me, that I don’t want to tell Selena the details of my life? But I barely want to admit to myself what I’ve done…

Sighing, I trudge over and collapse on the other end of the couch. “Morning. Thought you had work today?”

I reach over and steal a marshmallow from her cereal.

“Nope, day off! And just in time to catch you doing the walk of shame, it seems.” She lifts her brows questioningly, her eyes dancing with delight. “Soooo, who’s the lucky guy? Spill!”

“No one. I was just...out.” I avoid her probing gaze, focusing intently on picking at a loose thread on the couch cushion.

“Uh huh, sure. And I’m the Queen of England.” Selena rolls her eyes. “Come on Syd, we used to tell each other everything! What happened to twin telepathy?”

“Pretty sure that’s not a real thing.”

I force a chuckle, but it comes out strained. And just like that, awkwardness hangs thick in the air between us.

Things still aren’t back to normal after everything with Paul, the way I basically ghosted her for years, barely returning her texts. Paul always told me Selena was controlling and overbearing, that I needed to get out from under the burden of my twin-sister identity and fend for myself.

Took me far too long to realize Selena wasn’t the controlling one.

I clear my throat, hating the distance between us but unsure how to fix it.

“Anyway, it’s nothing serious,” I tell her. “Just blowing off some steam.”

“If you say so...” She looks unconvinced but lets it drop with a shrug, unpausing her show. “Guess I’ll have to live vicariously through Teresa’s screaming matches instead.”

I let out the breath I was holding, waiting for relief that I successfully avoided the conversation.

But as the moment to confide in Selena slips away, regret instantly washes over me. Can I do anything right?

“Well, I better get ready for work,” I say, forcing a smile. “Duty calls.”

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