Page 106 of Pucking Amazing

“Come on Tyler, keep that core engaged,” Carlos urges as I stretch my hamstrings.

The spacious gym is empty except for us, the clanking of weights and whir of treadmills conspicuously absent. It’s just me, Carlos, and the endless loop of thoughts dancing around in my head.

I force a grin that feels more like a grimace. “You got it, boss.”

My quads are on fire as I pulse deeper into the stretch, trying to focus on the burn instead of the ache in my chest. Nothing like a little physical pain to distract from the emotional shitstorm raging inside me.

Carlos eyes me skeptically, clearly not buying what I’m selling. “What’s going on with you, man? You’re wound tighter than a drum.” He tosses me a foam roller. “Work out those knots before they turn into a pull.”

I catch the roller and flop onto my back with a grunt, viciously attacking my IT band. “Just pre-game jitters. I’m good.”

The pressure borders on excruciating as I dig in, teeth clenched.

“Bullshit.” Carlos kneels down, pinning me with his stare. “This isn’t like you. If your head’s not in it, you’ve got no business on the ice tonight.”

Anger flares in my chest and I sit up abruptly, hurling the roller against the wall.

“I said I’m fine,” I snap. “I don’t need a fucking babysitter.”

Carlos raises his hands in surrender, jaw tight.

“Look, I’m not trying to bench you. But you’ve been pushing too hard. Rest up before the game, get your head straight. Team needs you at a hundred percent.” His voice softens. “And I’m here if you need to talk.”

I deflate, scrubbing a hand over my face. He’s right and I fucking hate it.

“Yeah, okay.” I stand, shoulders slumped in defeat. “I’ll see you tonight.”

Carlos claps me on the shoulder as I head for the door, his eyes worried. If only he knew the half of it—that my heart’s as bruised as my body, that losing Syd has me twisted up in knots.

That I’m not sure I can be the man, the goalie, that everyone needs me to be.

I paste on a hollow smile and shoot Carlos a half-assed salute. But as I exit into the harsh afternoon sun, all I can think about is squeezing in a few more drills before grabbing a pre-game meal.

Rest is for the weak, and I can’t afford to be weak. Not now, not ever.

I’m taping up my stick, going through my usual pre-game routine, when a sudden commotion outside the locker room breaks through the whir of my tumultuous thoughts. Confusion knits my brow as I set down the tape and pad over to the door, poking my head out.

“Ty!”

My sister Leah stands there in all her glory, her face split in a proud smile, hands clutching a big homemade sign with my name covered in glitter and hokey motivational phrases.

My heart seizes in my chest at the sight of her, emotions welling up and catching me completely off guard. Seeing her care so much, show up when I need her most even though I didn’t realize how badly I needed her until right this second...it bowls me over.

Before I know it, she’s got me wrapped up in a bear hug, the posterboard crinkling between us. I breathe in the familiar scent of her flowery perfume, letting it center and ground me.

“Come here,” I tug her elbow, leading her to a quiet alcove away from the pre-game hustle and bustle. We huddle close together, making the most of these stolen seconds.

“I’ve missed you,” she murmurs, looking me over with obvious concern in her eyes. “How are you holding up, really? With the playoffs and everything with Mikey going down in the press…”

A sigh escapes me. After how chill Leah was when I came out, I knew I was safe telling her about my relationship with Sydney and DJ. She’s been a nonjudgmental safe harbor for me recently.

“I just—I don’t know what to do,” I tell her. “Syd’s completely shut me and DJ out ever since Mikey relapsed. Won’t talk to us, won’t let us be there for her. I get it, but...”

“But it still hurts like hell,” Leah finishes gently when I trail off.

I nod, throat tight. “Yeah. And the pressure of stepping up, being the guy the team is counting on in goal...it’s a lot. I don’t want to let anyone down.”

Leah rubs my arm, her touch soothing and reassuring in a way only a big sister’s can be. “You could never let anyone down, Ty. You’re so strong. You’ve got this. I believe in you, and I know Syd and DJ and the boys do too, even if things are hard right now.”

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