Page 51 of One Day

It’s the butterflies currently flying around my chest that are new.

It’s uncharted territory, and they mean something. Not because Walker has suddenly become a new person, one I don’t know how to talk to and makes me nervous, but because he’s exactly the same. He’s Walker. My Walker, and now his name comes with the addition of a flutter. A flutter I cannot afford to feel, not now. Not when we agreed to this.

Sex and friends.

That is what we are, and it’s what we need to stick to because I’m not sure my heart can handle anything else. My grip is slipping, and I need to get it together before everything completely undoes, and I’m left with pieces that no longer fit together.

“My turn,” he says, moving around to the perfect spot.

I shift on my feet, taking in the crowd around us. The patrons have slowly started to thin out, and my gaze moves to the hall leading to the bathrooms. Turning my head, I take in Walker’s long frame folded over the table. His lips press together in a thin line, his tongue poking out the side as he lines up his shot, and I take this as my opportunity to find new handholds.

“You win,” I say, moving to put my cue stick back on the wall.

He lifts his head in silent question, and my answer comes in the form of action. Taking the cue stick from his hand, I push it back into its hold on the wall before taking his hand and pulling him across the makeshift dance floor and towards the bathrooms.

I used to make fun of Dylan for doing this, but I’m starting to get it now.

This. Not a bed, it feels unattached in a way I need.

“Sunny, what are we doing?”

A sigh of relief leaves my lips when I find the hall is empty, my free hand coming to push the door to the bathroom open and lean in to peek. When I see it’s empty, I open it wider and step inside before turning to him. Amusement seems to have found residency on his face when he steps in behind me and leans back into the door to shut it as my hand moves to turn the lock.

“Care to explain why we’re in the women’s bathroom?” he asks, his shoulders pressing into the wood. For a second, I let myself wonder what would happen if I let this feeling of uncertainty root in my chest. If instead of doing something to stomp it down, I let it grow.

The chances of losing Walker would increase with it. There’d be more petals to grow, more to dry up and flutter to the ground if I don’t pay them enough attention. It causes fear to scrap at my ribcage because the idea of not having Walker in my life is not one I care to entertain. I truly don’t know how I am supposed to survive without him.

“Sunny?”

“I’m in my head.” I swallow, stepping back towards the wall of sinks. I suddenly feel hot all over, like I might combust into flames if I don’t do something soon. “You called me gorgeous, and it freaked me out.”

“Freaked you out how?” He steps away from the door and comes to stand next to me, keeping to himself. He’s being his thoughtful self, not wanting to set me off when all I really want is to have his hands on me. To calm me down under the rough touch of his palm on my smooth skin. I need him to get me out of my head.

Turning away from the mirror, I step into him and rest my hands on his forearms. The grip he has on his pockets, likely to keep himself from reaching for me, loosens. I pull them towards me until his hands are in my back pockets instead. “This is just sex, right?”

His eyebrows knit together as he studies me. “That’s what you want it to be, isn’t it?”

“Yes,” I say, curling my fingers into the fabric covering his arms. The word feels wrong, though. It feels as though I’ve pressed a stamp across my chest, branding myself a liar. Like saying no would be the more honest answer.

Except it’s not. It can’t be.

We’re friends. Just friends and that’s all we’ve ever been.

CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

WALKER

I’m losing her. Her entire mood has shifted. I saw it slowly creeping away when we were at the pool table, and I called her gorgeous. The lines blurred long before then, but she’s seeing them now. The way I had before agreeing to this. To be her friend with added benefits.

I went through all the what-ifs before I landed on them being worth this little bit of extra sunshine she’s afforded me. I’ve seen all sides of Sonya now, and I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a little obsessed with her. As if I hadn’t been before we slept together. It was different then, though. I had a switch. One I could turn on and off.

I could control myself.

But that control has slowly started to slip into uncontrollable territory. I don't want to control myself when it comes to Sunny, the warm honey of her eyes, and the smile that lights up her face. I will only have this for so long, and I want to soak up as much as I can. I want her to be able to enjoy this without slipping into an overwhelming state of question every time I tell her how undeniably gorgeous she is, which will happen often.

“Sunny.” I pull her forward until her front is flush with my chest and slide my hands up her back until her face is between my hands. “Sunny, look at me,” I say, brushing my thumb gently over her cheek. “Don’t go down this rabbit hole. Be here with me.”

“I am,” she says, her lips pulling up until my thumb is in the divot of her dimple. “I’m here with you. I just…I’m fine.”

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