Page 155 of Falling in Reverse

“Because I know.” His confidence does nothing for me as I glance back over to the dark path that led me out here. I need to get back before Matteo comes looking for me and finds me with Judah. I can’t even fathom what he’d think if he found us out here alone. “You wanna go back to him?”

I slice my uneasy focus back to the boy I would’ve given anything to be with at one point in time and nod. “Yes.”

“Don’t you want to live and make it past sixteen, Bay? Matteo isn’t going to keep you around for that. He’s not going to make you anything but his whore.”

“Really?” I sneer back through my clenched teeth. “You think I’m gonna stick around for that? You think I’m going…it’s not going to be like that. I just want—” I want to be loved. I crave to fill the gaping hole that my mother doesn’t fill, but empties out all her hate in.

Judah takes a slow step forward, pinning me down with his clear amber eyes that are currently lit by the beam of moonlight brushing along the treetops and surrounding him like a spotlight. “What do you want? I can give it to you.”

“Judah, please, leave me alone,” I say off a heavy and exhausted sigh. “For your sake and mine. I’m not even the type of girl you like.”

“And what’s that? You’re beautiful, and smart. One day, you’ll fill out into something so fuckin’ killer it’ll be sick. And I’ll be there to protect you from everything. From the war between The Landings and South Shore. From men who will try to hurt you.”

My paranoia demands that I move and get back. That I’m not safe around Judah’s persistence, but I stupidly stay. I remain because something about the boy that stands in front of me is off. Not because he’s determined for me to date him all of a sudden, but because he’s so confident that he’s the answer to all the things going on right now.

“How would you protect me?” I press curiously. “You’d have to be with Matteo and the Pistol Posse to have support and?—”

“I have support,” Judah carps back through a twisted mouth. “I left the most powerful family alive to…to just get the fuck away from them. You’re the only thing I’ve seen since leaving that’d make me go back to keep you from harm. I can change everything. We—together—could be the most potent couple in all of Rhode Island and the surrounding states.”

“I don’t want to be—” Judah wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me closer to him, immediately setting my anxiety on high. “Please, Jud…you’re gonna get us killed.”

“Leave Matteo,” he mutters, peering down at me like he needs me to survive. “You’re so much more than you know.”

“I gotta go.” I begin to step away from his hold, but he only tightens it, clearly set on his stance that unless I give him an inch, he’s not going to let this go. “We’ll talk more about this later, okay?”

“I can’t bear seeing you with him,” he confesses, and then something flashes over his face as if it struck him out of nowhere. He loosens his grip on me a tad, and I take the out, prying from his grabby hands. His eyes ping-pong around the air like he’s seeing something there, but it’s just space and us and nothing else. “You can’t be around anymore.”

I release a heavy exhale at his dramatics, but that’s all I get to do. I didn’t see it coming when he lunged for me, causing me to stumble back out of surprise and fall right to my ass. Judah takes full advantage of the upper hand and shoves me back, caging me between his knees and weight against the hard dirt underneath me.

“Judah!” I scream out of anger and fear. “Get off?—”

“It’s the only way,” he retorts before his palms and fingers tightly wrap around my throat. “I promise I’ll try to do it as quickly as possible.”

Do what?

It’s the question that keeps repeating itself in my head…even though I know the answer. Nevertheless, I’m struggling to not accept it, as Judah closes off my air supply and looks defeated while he does it.

At least there’s that.

My hands grip at his wrists, trying to pry him off me when he leans in. That faultless face that could pass up as a broody Calvin Klein model. Judah is absolutely the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life, but a looming darkness has cast over him that always intrigued and frightened me.

I guess the latter was spot on.

I’ve always spoken to him when he came up to pour a Solo cup of Jack Daniels and I’m somewhere grabbing something for Matteo. There were repeated moments when no one else was around to interrupt, I never noticed it before until now.

“Pleaseeee…” I croak out, hoping that my eyes fill in the rest of my plea as my lungs burn from the lack of oxygen emptying into them. My feet and knees that are trying to throw him off are extricating too much energy that I need, and hope is quickly becoming just as fleeting as my air.

“I didn’t want you to bleed,” he surmises sympathetically, bending closer and placing his weight on my chest. The view of him is starting to blur around the edges as he whispers, “I’m so sorry, Bay. Please know…please know how much you mean to me. I know it didn’t seem like it, but I thought it was for the best.”

“Judah,” I beg sadly, frantically, my sisters and dad coming to the forefront of my mind.

Please stop.

“I’m sorry,” he says again. “Please…know how much, Bay. I’m so sorry.”

Me too.

Using the last ounce and surge of energy that I have, Judah leans in to kiss me, and that’s when I thrust my forehead up and headbutt him in the face.

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