Page 71 of Crazy for this Girl

“But you did. Why—“

“Can you just be with me?” I brush my thumb along the softness of her face. “Please, Laynee. I just want to forget everything that’s happened. I promise…one day, I’ll tell you everything.”

Her blues search mine, looking for answers I can’t give. She will obsess over where I am if I tell her what’s currently in store for me. I know Laynee like the back of my damn hand. It’ll kill her inside and she’ll never focus on anything else.

It’s selfish.

It’s fucked up.

But it’s the only way I know how to protect her from the madness of what I’m being forced to do. If I don’t come back but in a body bag, I’d rather her hate me than never heal from the loss.

“Where are you going?”

“I…” I lock my jaw to keep myself from losing it, from breaking down and actually crying. I don’t mind if I do, it’s just going to cause a lot more questions. “I can’t tell you right now. But I’m not with anyone.”

“Why can’t you tell me?” Her brows knit in confusion. “Are you in trouble?”

“No, it’s not like that.”

“Cal.” Her hand comes up to grab mine resting on her face. “Please come back with me.”

It’s like she fucking knows I’m leaving to where she can’t come. That without words or any more of an explanation, she gives me the space I need, the time we’ve wasted, and a night without misery.

She gets me.

Even if I can’t fully explain what’s happening, Laynee trusts me.

And I’m not sure if I’m worthy of it.

“I will...one day. I pro—I will.” I lug my muddled brain back up because I need to know... “Am I the only one feeling this? Do you... feel anything more for me?”

She looks vacantly at me, which I guess would worry the old me to death that she didn’t just explode with her feelings or lack of it, which appears in this case.

The only thing I desire to have happen is that she knows I’m in love with her. That I care, and this isn’t how I planned things.

“No,” she finally says in a gentle wisp. “You’re not.”

I bow forward and softly kiss her lips again. Her fingers latch onto my naked hips, searing the skin there and having no idea what she fully does to me when she’s near.

I’ve wanted to tell Laynee for so long that I didn’t want to be just friends. That I wanted us to make a solid goal of her being mine to where I could touch her any time I wanted and kiss her whenever I felt like it.

She’s been an entity that was always there, yet always out of my reach. Every letter she’d write telling me that she was dating someone, I wanted to throttle him.

It had to be because she didn’t like me, right?

Laynee never showed any interest. I never caught her looking at me or taking any initiative to get closer when we were alone.

I was her friend and friend only.

So, I tried to move on. I dated. I lost my virginity. I attempted to move forward and keep my friendship with Laynee strictly that.

However, my heart was barred to the beautiful blonde with soft lips and intoxicating cobalt blues.

“How long are you going to be gone?” she inquires against my mouth. “A few weeks?”

I kiss her harder, playing with the hem of her tank top to give me something to keep my nerves down. I have two options; both of which I don’t like right now.

I either tell her I have a really good chance at deployment or simply lie.

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