Page 89 of Crazy for this Girl

“Go ahead,” I slur, waving my hand scornfully in the air and seeing her whole body tilt to the side through my buzzed glaze. “I’ll sit this one out.”

Hannah pouts. That same push out of her lips that she used to play on me back in high school. Liquored up, it means nothing to me right now.

“I’ll be out in a second,” I continue on, knowing it’ll get her out of my face and give me some alone time.

I don’t need it to think.

I just want it.

I’m overwhelmed, have been for months. I feel as though I’m failing at everything in life. That I should be so much farther ahead with a solid plan of where I’m going. Ever since I graduated, I threw all my eggs in one basket. I put my future tense in a boy that had other, more important plans.

Hannah thankfully scurries away with her friends, all in tight dresses and five-inch heels. All of them inebriated, with designer bags and perfectly manicured nails.

I’m out of place here.

But I feel out of place everywhere. My axis is always leaning without my safety net of Cal. I’m always pausing when I make a decision because my mind always goes straight to ask Cal real quick.

Apparently, it has short-term memory loss of his disappearance.

My phone annoyingly buzzes on the bar top as my vodka martini is graciously refilled by the sweet bartender that took my meaning literally when I told her to keep them coming.

Taking another sip, I feel the vibration of my cell again, sending a surge of irritation coursing through me because I can never just have some peace to be alone.

UNKNOWN: How different do you look now? I imagine you more beautiful than the last time I saw you.

UNKNOWN: I miss you, Laynee.

He always picks the perfect moment, but not this time for me. I’m so buzzed up that I don’t care whose feelings I hurt or what comes out of my mouth.

All I know is that it’ll all be facts.

Harbored words and feelings that I’ve kept within me for almost two years now and they’re all about to come out.

LAYNEE: Who is this?

UNKNOWN: You know exactly who it is. Who else would miss you as much as I do?

LAYNEE: Some asshole I used to know maybe. Though, he has a really fucked up way of showing it.

CAL: He doesn’t mean to. I think about you all the time. I know it sounds like utter bullshit, but it’s true.

LAYNEE: That’s unfortunate because I barely think of you at all.

CAL: Laynee, don’t lie to yourself.

LAYNEE: Oh, I’m being truthful for the first time in forever.

LAYNEE: Leave me alone, Cal. I don’t want you contacting me anymore.

CAL: So, you do know who it is.

LAYNEE: I have a boyfriend. He’s great. I’ve moved on.

CAL: I’m glad. You should’ve. It doesn’t mean I won’t miss you any less.

LAYNEE: You should do the same. Wherever you are or whatever you’re doing, I don’t care anymore. I’m done.

CAL: You don’t mean that.

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