Page 187 of Crazy for this Girl

“I would always deal with you, Cal,” Laynee quakes, sadness draped over her gorgeous face. I can see the pity in her eyes and the helplessness that comes right along with it. I don’t want any of it, I just desire her to understand that, despite everything, I never stopped loving and caring about her.

“I’m fully aware that you’re pissed at me, but maybe it’s because I couldn’t deal with you looking at me how you are right now. A broken man who can’t get out of his own head. Who wakes up in cold sweats and was so weak that I craved to end it all.”

“You’re not broken.”

“I am broken.” I try to give her a reassuring smile; however, I know it falls flat. “You don’t merit someone who wakes up screaming at night. Who couldn’t even walk down the street.”

“Cal, I know I’ve told you this before, but don’t tell me what I can and can’t do when it comes to you. If I couldn’t help you, I definitely would’ve found a way or someone to try. I would’ve done anything for you.”

“And drove yourself insane with trying to fix a piece of me that was broken, Laynee? What were you going to do? Stay up at all hours of the night and hold me?”

“Yes,” she blurts out before I can continue. “I would’ve done anything freely and without any conviction. Everything that would’ve happened between us by then would have been void because you mattered. You’ve always mattered, even though I wanted to punch you straight in the balls. The thought of…you…harming yourself.”

“Elliott helped me a lot, baby. Found someone for me to talk to.”

“Then I would’ve just stayed with you. Anything you needed, you’d have it.”

I shake my head. “And stop your whole existence over something my dad did?”

“There you go, making those decisions again, Harper,” she bites out. “Don’t sell yourself short with me. Since we were kids, you were always my number one. I stayed around a whole summer with you and a girlfriend for fuck’s sake because of how much I couldn’t stay away from you.”

“Best summer of my life.” Her brows furrow. “I got to kiss you and have a reason to.”

She gives off a little scoff. “Boy, you might have gotten me thrown down that mountain of a hill you lived on.”

“Nah, Hailee was harmless and if anyone, it would’ve been me. I never would have let you fall.”

“And I never would’ve let you fall. Cal…I missed you so much it hurt. The nightmares…do you still have them?”

“Not as much as I used to. Depression was high all the time. Then you’d text me out of the blue, and I’d just forget everything. You even saved me one night… I was going to… But you came in talking about needing a fish name or some shit.”

“I never did get that clown fish,” she mutters. “Nemo sounded too basic, and I could barely take care of myself. I hated hearing from you, but I loved that you still thought of me. That it was never just me.”

I give her a small smile. “Probably for the best, because your name choices sucked.”

“You suck, Cal Harper.”

“I try, baby. Anything to hear my name off your lips and hear you moaning around me.”

She still stares at me with an unyielding amount of pain in her eyes. “Are those thoughts still around?”

“Not recently.”

“Do you still have…the gun?”

I shake my head. “It’s in Cali.”

“I want it gone.”

“Of course.”

“Like today.”

“How would you like me to do that?”

She glances over her apartment, searching for something as she forms some sort of plan. “I can fly out and do it myself.”

“Laynee”—A weak smile forms on my face for her worry and persistence—“I’ll have someone I trust there remove it by the time tomorrow is over.”

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